As Jim Davis said (via Garfield): Eighty-seven percent of spiders are harmless; one-hundred percent of dead spiders are harmless.

You have me there. I did use the wrong version of “your,” which is great, because now you get to learn ad hominem in addition to relative privation.  

• Fallacy of relative privation (“not as bad as”) – dismissing an argument or complaint due to the existence of more important problems in the world, regardless of whether those problems bear relevance to the initial argument. For example, First World problem.

It’s funny how many of these seem to be designed to compensate for a lack of basic skills with a kitchen knife. I make no claim to zoro esque control, but I have zero doubt I could prep a pineapple as quickly as that weird handled corer.

I don’t really find this to be a female issue. What people do and don’t find appropriate in these situations is completely dependant on the person and as a male I find it just as taxing.

I’m pretty sure he meant that the literal dictionary definition of vagina and vulva are different.

Am I the ony one who feels like poor Helium got undersold? Balloons . . . or a crazily limited resource we’re almost out of, which is critical to most cooling applications, along with more than a few other uses? Uses like balloons . . . and balloon animals . . .

There’s a long running prank among grocery story employees (hey, what else did we have to do), where you tell the new guy to go give the salad dressings their weekly mixing. You tell them to shake any of the ones that are separated until they are fully mixed, then make sure they didn’t miss any beore they come back.

My friends are at least as dumb as I, and yet I don’t remember a camping trip where we remembered the booze and the candy, but not any feasible source of fire.

In most states, if the couple considers you a spiritual leader, or [insert term for guy who is empowered by their religion to handle a marriage], you can perform the ceremony.

I definitely like Greenworks stuff too. I’ve got a strimmer and a blower I love. I mostly just wanted people to make sure they had the right batteries if they had already bought into the ecosystem.

I definitely like Greenworks stuff too. I’ve got a strimmer and a blower I love. I mostly just wanted people to make…

Just a heads up to anyone who has other greenworks items. Most of the newer stuff is 60v, or 80v for the mowers, and I don’t believe that the batteries have the same form factor. If you have a recently bought strimmer, blower, etc your batteries probably aren’t going to be interchangeable. I know I always try to stay…

Just a heads up to anyone who has other greenworks items. Most of the newer stuff is 60v, or 80v for the mowers, and…

“Nonline” is pretentious, but responding to “where do you live?” with “twitter,” isn’t?

I’ve got a family full of nurses, three of whom teach CPR, and they say that if they think the class can handle it, they recommend the song “Another One Bites the Dust.” In a crisis situation, morid stays in your head way longer than optimistic, and you’re much more likely to remember “another one bites the dust” than…

Lots of people with extremely athletic bodies prefer no pockets. If you’re going to spend that kind of time at the gym, sleek is key.

Ugh, so here’s where I earn the ire of other jezebel users, but . . . I suppose they could identify as female? That being said, no matter how hard you identify, you probably don’t need a pap.

A good resource for this sort of thing is the site alternativeto.net Type in the piece of software you want to replace, and it will give you options along with some basic reviews and descriptions.

I can’t stand trump, but you have to really really want to see this as anything but a common sentiment that hundreds of politicians have “plagiarized” over the years. I figure you’re just going for the joke, but meh . . .

This is cute and all, but if you just learn to do the whistle with your fingers in your mouth, it’s considerably louder and doesn’t require you to wander around the forest looking for garbage to put in your mouth.

Something I figured out a few years ago was to take a piece of thread and tie some dog kibble (the thing the mice were after at my house) to the trigger mechanism of a brand new trap.