Jesus fucking Christ how big are your keys?

Jesus fucking Christ how big are your keys?

And moistness.

That was totally amazing.

Usually I get in a panic halfway through because in covered in olive oil and I’m like “AHHHH MY PEPPER MILL IS SLIPPING THROUGH MY HANDS” and then I say fuck it. The only thing I haven't liked from them was the fennel linguine and that's because it had fennel in it. My therapist suggested using onions next time.

SEASON WITH SALT AND PEPPER!!!!

Now if he said Topeka I might have some sympathy.

I've thought of going into that field, but I figured it's just looking at child porn all day which no. How is it really like?

Ok legitimate question: I have a white Destiny PS4 (September 2014) which seems like the fan goes on quite a bit more than it used to. I don’t smoke indoors but I do have two cats. Won’t blowing it out just push the dust further inside?

All this is 20% off with Best Buy Gamer’s Club Unlocked!!!

Fuck is that already?

Omg I know. And then “Oh right....*pander pander pander*”

I don't! But I'm from Oklahoma and we are not allowed to. Also I must purchase my house from her realty company.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

I thought this was Ryan Reynolds and now I am disappointed.

In fact I’m engaging in sodomy right now while concurrently posting to Jezebel!

Just remember, shoot for the head. Unless it's Vex. Then shoot for the dick. Always shoot for the dick.

Nope; I too am Ben Carson.

I fucking swear Bobby if the answer is I’m a Maxi Dress....

Nah she's just drunk. Trust me on this.

Personally I purchased 12 PBR tall boys. But I'm also an alcoholic.