I know a lot of people are going to take satisfaction and glee from this because of Marchand’s previous actions. But keep in mind.... just kidding, fuck that guy.

Everyone’s an armchair assassin.

So we have six amateurs who planned to rob Ortiz and the first step in the master plan was to shoot him in the back in front of 100 people and then run away.

Why shoot the only likeable Red Sox player ever? Have they never heard of Curt Schilling?

so when the Bruins win the Cup on Wednesday will these ads then show up on the web browsers of poor children in Africa?

Seeing lots of “I’m a Yankees fan, but...” and “I hate the Red Sox, but...” on the internet tonight. Cool, man, you don’t want the human beings who arbitrarily wind up playing for teams in a different geographic location than you to literally die. Awesome, that’s very noble.

Gardner Reaps What He Sows

Drake: I’m going to be the most dislikable courtside presence ever!

I pledge allegiance to the flag of United Enterprise Holdings, and to the Incorporation for which it stands, one rental, under contract, with stipulations and recommended insurance for all.

my great great grandaddy didn’t die at the alamo rent-a-car by the denver airport to see me kneel to that hated rebel insignia!

“In honor of all the brave men and women that don’t charge for minor dents and lingering smells.”

AND I’D SURELY STAND UP! NEXT TO YOU AND SAVE ON MY NEXT RENTAL.

Normally, I’m one of the haters. However, this one got a chuckle out of me.

I was gonna be so pissed if you didn’t squeeze in a “Pool Boys,” and boy did my patience pay off. Best one yet.

On the one hand, this is a fairly harmless and funny prank. On the other hand, this guy runs a parody Steve Berthiaume account for some reason. 

Draymond Green Wants It Known That He Did Not Scuffle With Drake

Targeting the knobs is all well and good, but you’re still gonna get problems from the wankers, yobbos, and bell ends.

To be fair, if the only time you ever hear the price of a beverage is at a major professional sports event, $20 for a gallon of milk is about right.

Someone’s been buying their milk from Halliburton.