So, after working the door all night, then writing as many posts as my sleep-deprived mind would allow me to squeeze out today, it's time to put a lid on this very educational week of guest editing. My advice to anyone asked to do this job is this: get plenty of sleep the night before, because you'll need every minute…

Growing up on Long Island is an experience that can only be understood by those who've gone through it. The concept can't be grasped any other way. Trouble is, people on Long Island are, for want of a better term, completely fucked up. When they descend into the depths of their fucked-up-dom, they'll tend to want to…

Walk into any electronics store in New York and they'll take your picture, type a phony birthdate and social security number on a card, laminate the whole works together, then hand it to you no questions asked. Marianne Garvey of the New York Post thinks this is the sort of ID underaged patrons are using to gain…

What Lindsay likely doesn't understand - yet probably wouldn't mind - is that stripping isn't simply about pole-dancing and pole-tricks. A significant portion of a stripper's night is spent in the darkened confines of strip clubs' various VIP and champagne rooms in constant physical contact with any desperate prick…

We still haven't figured out whether A.J. has a blog or not, but if he did, it'd look a lot like this one. Then again, this could also conceivably be the work of one of these guys. Either way, this is what you're dealing with when you're competing for VIP table space these days.

The holidays can be very stressful for Staten Islanders. When residents of the fifth borough suddenly feel the need to wreak havoc, we certainly know where they're coming from, having been there ourselves many, many times. There have been several occasions this very week, in fact, where your guest editor has been…

Essentially, what we're looking at is this: Britney Spears shows us a good solid week's worth of muff, and all we get to see on her website is some eerily Heaven's Gate-esque stream of purple shit emanating from a framed nine lines of grammatically incorrect tripe.

In order to effectively function as a Gawker "staff member," your current guest editor has had to endure a (solicited) torrent of emails and instant messages from friends and acquaintances who, despite providing him with a great deal of moral support, have been decidedly useless in terms of providing quality tip…

Forget second chances. If The Donald really wanted to show Tara Conner exactly what becomes of "hot pieces of ass" after they spend several years doing the club circuit - combined with the requisite botched plastic surgeries one needs when one no longer cares about one's diet or nutrition - all he had to do was flash…

In blogs, everyone's hot. You click on a page and read about someone's menstrual cycle, or the new pair of underpants they just bought, and you think to yourself, "Damn, she has to be one hot little piece." The problem we've found with blogs, however, is that some female bloggers are nowhere near as attractive as…

So, record numbers of slow-moving, five-abreast sidewalk-blocking Michiganders are in New York this month, pushing back the start of our workdays by keeping us from going where we need to go. Read the story. It's informative, if not particularly groundbreaking. The headline, however, is what's important. It appears to…

We've often found ourselves scanning Craigslist following a series of blatantly illegal driving maneuvers on that breezy little Long Island thoroughfare known as Hempstead Turnpike, hoping against hope that someone - anyone - with two breasts and a vagina bore witness to our courage. Sometimes in this crazy world,…

Having dated our share of strippers - some of us, that is - we know that life "on the pole" can be a bit taxing. From the lecherous management types who'll exploit your every vulnerability to the various wack-jobs with whom you'll share a dressing room, the entire profession is enough to leave a permanent bruise on…

Commit a crime in the nightclub business, and it's your victim who'll be looking at a laundry list of consequences if you're successful. In any criminal endeavor, there's an element of risk involved. In the ID-checking game, however, this risk is borne solely by the bar and club employees who'll find themselves…

We've discussed language here quite a bit over the years - primarily in an effort to figure out what the hell people are saying in New York. Most sentences these days both begin and end with "yo," forming a "yo" sandwich whose ingredients aren't readily discernable to anyone over the age of sixteen. Guides are good,…

You people are killing each other at a much higher rate this year, and we don't know why, although we're liking the idea of a "reclassified homicide," which is where one New Yorker kills another one, but the one who's been killed doesn't die until the following year. 2006 gave us an unusually high number of…

Sometimes, when we're making our rounds in West Chelsea or the Meatpacking, we stop and wonder if there's some scientific explanation for why all the women we see are so perfect and all the men are dicks. We know their failings have a great deal to do with their breeding, but we've often surmised that there has to be…

For most guys it happens in the shower: the conversation where you tell yourself tonight's your night. That when you see that piece of ass you'd like to "slip it to," nothing short of an even hotter piece of ass could possibly stop you from walking right up to her breasts and declaring your intentions right there and…

Expanding on our earlier discussion of cheapness in the workplace - but sparing the Jews for at least a paragraph - we hear NBC's been having a fabulous time, albeit on a shoestring, spreading Christmas joy and love to its loyal employees. In the case of Dateline's crew, this joy and love, provided staffers actually…