Giancarlo doing what Braves’s fans used to refer to as a “Jeff Francouer”

Tasty meta bro

That dude’s a dick

wut are gunz?

Probably have to rebuild the motor every 1,000 miles too...

That looks like the last gen GTO with a bad roof lift...

I have an IS350...1st-3rd gear are exciting...everything else isn’t...unless you turn off the traction control...but no LSD makes rather silly looking burnouts...

Everyone knows a Volvo 240 with a 5.0 engine/drive train swap is the ultimate sleeper.

Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges!

He saw the writing on the wall and Bayled...

Nonesense...cans over bottles every time: You can take them to the pool, they take up less fridge/cooler space, most coozies fit cans better, and the best beers are in cans: see Creature Comforts Tropicalia and Orpheous Atalanta.

StarControl ain’t real...I know for sure they could peg my driving to me if they wanted to:

“He seems to stay in 3rd gear at between 4-6k RPM an awful lot, and it would appear he doesn’t know how to use the brake pedal”

CP...If I’ma spend $4k something 25 years old and Japanese, it’s going be an Escort not a Civic...

Where do I get the drugs I need to make this interesting?

I see your point that the amount of oxybenzone delivered via sunscreen is de minimis, I have a totally untested theory that it all of the de minimis chemicals that we ingest/absorb/inhale add up over time...the less potential health damaging things I put in the better, no?

I gave up meat 5 months ago, and I could totally get behind this...burgers are fucking delicious, and I miss them so...

I once sliced through the leg of a steel rack that held probably 20 pallets of freight by doing a deadman brake/hard wheel cut 180 on a crown forklift...not idea how you can escape from this with minor injuries.

uuhhhh...where are those 1,400 Xanz he lifted off these guys...No wonder this dude was so cool about it...

Great read! This makes me want to break out the Kayak and blow off work! Thanks for burning 20 minutes of my day and making me stare out the window for the rest of it. In all seriousness though, this is one of the best pieces I’ve read on Deadspin.