Or Leonard Pierce.

Coming soon to the AV Club: Cat Pictures With Cute Captions Club!

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Yep. New season is going to be called Lovesick.

That's how On the Road was written.

Didn't stop Scrotal Recall from changing names.

Whatchu talkin bout, Tobias?

"This feature sucks!"

Wait…are you saying Stifler's mom is on "2 Broke Girls"? Gotta go set my DVR.

Zooey Deschanel had DP on the set of Star Wars? Man, Pornhub's "Recommended For You" section has let me down once again.

Plate or platter?

I wouldn't go even if they were giving away the tickets now.

Ah, well, I thought it would be a clever idea.
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I think he just hangs the armless/legless ones on the basement wall and calls them Art.

If Chinatown taught me anything, it's that dealing with big water means big incestual fun for the whole family.

No kidding. I could buy like 10 cans of the powdered Gatorade for the same price. I like to snort my electrolytes.

Funner fact: And that rubber hand puppet was the original inspiration for the Fleshlight.

There's a booth at the local antique mall that has been trying to sell this absolutely gigantic 1998 Lost in Space movie theater lobby cardboard promotional thingee for YEARS. It seriously is like 8'x8' and takes up like 3/4 of the booth. I know this mall charges pretty decent monthly rental fees so I'm guessing the…

It's French for "anus."

He's the monster at the end of the book!