Ha!

With any luck, he’ll soon forget which team he played for.

This guy has yet to make it through 12 steps, let alone an entire staircase. 

I was always told not to feed dogs people food.

Ha!

If someone was gonna die from being drunk with power I really wish it would’ve been Trump.

I’ve been working on my GIFs, puns and movie quotes in hopes of fitting in better around here.

To be fair, a parade through the streets of Dallas is totally foreign territory for the Cowboys.

And yet, he wasn’t suspended for threatening a female student. What a great message for International Women’s Day. You officially have less worth than an unattended vehicle.

That’s more the kind of behavior I’d expect from a Cardinal.

Teams are probably banking on him walking away at the end of his contract. But they should know better than assuming he’ll be able to walk.

Ha!

+1

Agent: My client, a player for the Cleveland Browns, steadfastly denies being a part of something so incredibly heinous.

I assume the back surgery is an exploratory procedure in which they’ll be looking for something resembling a spine.  

Sadly, that kind of subtlety has no place in today’s Deadspin. +1

Mark Sanchez has studied this photo for several hours. And that was before he knew there was a question about missing legs.

That’s really good. +1

I’d call Jerry two-faced, but let’s be honest, he must be on this seventh or eighth face by now.

Ha!