I’ll bet that was a hell of a launch party. 137 people eating a celebratory meal of three M&Ms apiece, and three engineers with 22 caliber rounds in their grapes tumbling into The Barents with the remains of the first stage booster.

In the 70s and 80s, before neckbeards and morbid obesity became popular, those glasses usually meant “Dungeon Master capable of repairing your Speak ‘n Spell from deep in the Friend Zone.” Those were simpler times.

Thanks, Mike! I took the liberty of presenting myself with this a few minutes ago. My speech was quite touching. Sorry you missed it. Wife was trying to watch TV and told me to turn the stereo down, but I know she was fighting back the tears. Nobody can resist Whitesnake during an awards ceremony.

Thank you for reading and for visiting us down here in the basement. :)

We’re required to act (or not act) within the scope of our training. Firefighters don’t respond to bank robberies and attempt to arrest suspects, paramedics don’t write parking tickets, and the average patrol officer is not trained in water rescues. Even without the gunbelt on, body armor becomes a torso-shaped boat…

Rocket League Xbox One. Constantly. Bout to make veteran. Then my wife will STFU about how she hit veteran two weeks ago. Redheads, man. The ceaseless GLOATING.

#avengekenny

Looney Tombs?

I’m just brainstorming here.

Clearly an awesome war machine, and I'm glad it's on our side. That being said, I can't get over the fact that it's uglier than a can of boiled assholes.

Longtime cop near Bellevue and rabid reader of Jalopnik here. You guys and your readers kick complete ass.

Retro Gamer.

Xbox One Rocket League. All the Rocket League. And the better I get, the drunker I play. Wait, what?

Rebel Galaxy in between rage quitting SW Battlefront Fighter Squadron matches on Xbox One. If I get too pissed off with both of those, I’ll finish Rise of the Tomb Raider. I think I’m almost done.

I know the third one doesn’t count but if I win the powerball then I get to make up different rules.

“I should’ve let Orlando Bloom have this one. They said there were Templars. I thought I was Jesus. Am I not playing Jesus in this one? I feel like this is more knives than Jesus would carry.”