Shat delivering pizza to Ataria Starling is a stone classic. A shame that the evermore professionalized BurningAngel embargoed it, c. 2005.

Good. God.

I’ve been shattered by the party culture and risk taking behavior that I briefly experienced in my four months at school.

I will take this fight. Badly executed corn tortillas are far more terrible than even the worst flour tortilla.

These things force me to never want to put myself in a position where I have to sacrifice everything.

Conversely:

2016 America: Where a 12-year old boy is shot and killed by the police for playing with a toy and it’s his fault because he should have “known” that people would see him as a threat, while a full-grown adult who rapes an unconscious woman and tries to flee should only have to endure a couple months of jail because…

Anybody who tries to be healthy about ordering pizza is missing the gotdamn point, and probably doesn’t realize that the reason they’re ordering in is because nobody wants to eat out with them.

U nd ur brahs don’t go out for ‘chos and ‘za?

“well shit, if I only order one thing, then the delivery fee is like 20% of the order. It’s most cost-effective if I order five times as much. I can’t lose!”

I stopped reading after you abbreviated Nachos to ‘chos. Don’t do this. This is not a thing.

This is goddamn America and you’ll have to pry my quart-sized container of pork fried rice, my gallon of creamy tikka masala, and my milkshake bucket out of my cold dead atherosclerotic hands.

Go fuck yourself.

“How to order delivery without feeling like shit”

Oh, I thought this was going to be about ordering enough food to feed 4 people and then yelling to your imaginary family “Food’s here!” so that the delivery guy doesn’t think you’re a loser ordering a single serving of orange chicken on a Friday night.

If you order delivery ceviche, you will die.

I hate this post and everything it represents

Me: I have a hangover. I need something healthy.

I have no stance on eagles, beyond the opinion that they should spend more time killing geese.

I don’t know what part of the Midwest you were in, but around here everyone thinks they are a trash bird that spends its time shitting on golf courses. And walking around with a conveniently golf ball sized head at the end of a long golf tee like neck, acting like I wouldn’t murder its smug ass given half a chance.