Like Cosmos?

Counterpoint: American Dad.

You gave him the wrong choice!

We named our daughter Indiana. After the the dog.

What about the loyal older guy who has paid his dues and is grinding it out, only to learn that some spoiled little shit straight out of college that he has to cover for makes more than he does.

False: Employers force their workers to shut the fuck up about salaries so that they’re easier to control.

Actually, your abilities to talk about your pay to other workers has been federally protected for about 80 years:

This is the attitude Republicans want us to have — my compensation is shitty so I’m going prevent other people from getting paid. Getting us to fight over crumbs.

Can a day be both enjoyable and not include a glass of wine?

So the last six episodes of Agents of SHIELD?

Speaking of Segways...

Please let them work bushes into the set of every sketch and just have her lurking in them. PLEASE?!

How does that make life easier than just having sexy times whenever you both feel like it?

You really don’t need anyone’s permission to fuck.

I would just like to say that most of the rules in most of the religions in the world are fucking moronic.

He has a degree his daddy bought him while he did little besides stare at the walls of the dining hall eating countless hamburgers, and sexually assault women.

as he put it, “choke like dogs”(which is not really how dogs work, but okay)

Yay! My twin. :) :)

The logic of the chronically cheap motherfucker never ceases to amaze me. People will say the stupidest shit to justify not tipping. Here's why you don't tip:

1. You're a cheap bastard
2. See #1.