You know what sucks? Besides the obvious. That even if trump gets kicked out of office and publicly ruined, all this shit has been put out there and exposed for the world to see. If the world was a neighborhood, we’re the family whose dad went outside jerked himself off and then took a huge dump on his next door…

Shakespeare: “Striving to better, oft we mar what’s well.”

This pissed off local residents, who were confined to their $50 million homes just when they had a lot of holiday parties to attend.

Usually horseshit comes from a horse’s ass, not sent to one.

Everyone in Bel-Air says the area has been going downhill since those negros Phillip and Vivian Banks let their mouthy little nephew Will move in with them.

Some people pay good money for fertilizer, but at least one schmuck is giving it away for free.

Get dog, invite friends over to drink Scotch, watch Braveheart, play with pooch, and DIY kitchen. Rearrange order of events as you see fit for maximal hilarity/productivity. I’ll send you a big bag of dog food if you post pics of someone passed out on the sofa wearing a paint-splattered kilt with a dog asleep on their…

Holy shit, I forgot about those. It’s like the design team said “What if sunglasses and overalls made a hideous baby?”

Apparently, Fisher Price steam punk makes you look like more of an asshole than Victorian steam punk. Glad we locked that down.

Especially given they only have five minutes each to question five people who are seeking lifetime appointments to the federal bench. It’s like a radio interview up against a hard break at the top of the hour.

white male fails upward: a tale as old as time

White Male Privilege. That is where it comes from.

What other questions are we not asking that you’d think would be an obvious no!?

“Sir, what makes you qualified for this position?”

Who’s to say Doom isn’t behind the acquisition anyway??

I love Freddy Frog.... Very underused character, glad to see another fan!

I told Jeff Bridges that someone got him confused with Jeff Daniels, and he said

I hate to be that person...

It really is changing. My 8-year-old son is a stone-cold feminist. I explained the concept of ‘male privilege’ to him over lunch the other day and he totally got it.

HOLY SHIT JOHN OLIVER