Aw, hey buddy!

Thank you for this. For real.

I can't participate in the testicular aspects of this caper, as I have none. But with our powers combined, honey, we could write one hell of a movie!

Hey, neat, it's also kind of mine!

I once broke up with a boy because he told me I needed to clean out my car.

Manwich of my dreams:

OOOH DANG!

Anyone who has ever watched a loved one suffer from a terminal disease knows the agony and indignity of such a process. I will never, ever, ever let my loved ones see me in such a state. It's really easy to hoard morphine, even if you don't live in Oregon.

"(My colleagues will surely note that I fail often, and do offend people. That's not for lack of effort...)"
Oh, so he's just an asshole, then? Just a run of the mill jerk face. Fuck this guy. This shit makes my skin crawl. Okay, I feel better, actually!

I wish I got that excited about stuff.

Renee Zellweger was in Austin for a few days and frequented the coffeeshop where I worked. She was extremely sweet. Everyone shut up!
That is all.

Re: Scott Foley...I'm still #TeamBen.
Something about Scott Foley's large and trusting eyeballs makes me think of a farm animal. This is cruel...but it is the internet so I can say shit like that.

I'd eat it.
And then feel terrible about myself afterwards, but that's pretty par for the course.

Quick, think Gilmore Girls! Paging Carol King!

THANKS OBAMA.

Taylor Swift. She poised, y'all.

NOT. FUCKING. COOL.

Regardless of religion or non-religion, it's of great comfort to many people to believe that there's a "beyond". What's the harm in that? We won't know until we get there ourselves.

It's one louder.

My default expression is a smile?!?! My default expression?!
This guy can go fuck himself.