Calm down. It was just locker room talk

But when is Rangers prospect Roughned Odor going to meet Rangers 2nd Baseman Rougned Odor?

His ability to smoothly transition from first to third person within a single tweet is unrivaled.

They should either start fining the team or barring them from selling beer.

This is just a scam so Donny has people to talk to at 3 am, right?

Well, I guess we’ve just witnessed the beginnings of a movement to rid all workplaces of cameras. Oh, wait, what’s that? He’s blowing hot air? Nevermind.

On the bright side, if Trump is elected we may finallyget to impeach AND remove a President from office.

And not a single one bought a fucking phone charger?

Fuck that let’s do soccer rules. Targeting gets a red card and your team goes a man down. Shit would stop in a hurry.

Also, he can't play on Sundays.

Could someone do me a favor and combine the Colbert popcorn gif with the Florida getting cut off the continent gif and then add a gif of my head exploding for good measure? Thanks!

+1% bear tax

You pissed your pants, right? I def would have pissed my pants.

No, it doesn't suck. This made my Olympic experience a little better than it otherwise would have been.

Ummm... Have you ever been drunk before?

To be fair, if this wasn't allowed, how many babies do you think would be born in Philly?

Fuck you for suggesting there might be a Golden Corral anywhere near LA. The Hometown Buffet is inferior. I don’t care if they are owned by the same parent company. They don’t even have white gravy, for christ’s sake.

there’s a plagiarism joke in here somewhere, but I'm sure it's already been said before.

I think he’s colorblind - that is not anywhere near the correct shade/color of Trumps hair or face.

Um, it passes a strict academic definition of plagiarism.