Ladies and gentleman, the next head of his philosophy department.

I don't know. I'm getting a huge whiff of '"Philosophy, with a focus on periods prior to contemporary times, when the discipline was ruined by identity politics."

Instinct tells me a lot of his male colleagues don't find him particularly pleasant, either.

Hoda Kotb declared catcalling to be inoffensive and quite complimentary this morning, and Matt Fucking Lauer had to set her straight. Today meets the Twilight Zone.

whatever im just going to light him on fire

I HATE feeling pressured not to talk over and sexualize other people too! Common respect is such a bummer, man.

Men get very angry when you challenge their entitlement to do whatever the fuck they want.

Not actual witches, you say? Well color me shocked.

My uncle's second wife fucked the one armed drummer from Def Leppard sometime post car crash.

What, did he find out while they were at a Six Flags?

I wouldn't give a shit about money either if I already had as much of it as Chelsea Clinton does.

And this?

To talk about how unique and non-traditional her traditional wedding was because they were sooo special and different. She also said her husband was "heteroflexible". 2 people I absolutely do not want to picture having sex, ever ever everrrr. Getting married is inherently traditional. Be a grown up. I will also…

I agree with you. I knew someone who actually described themselves as "bi and polyamorous" in her own wedding toast. You're a snowflake, we get it. Barf.

I love you for saying this. Look, this Ghomeshi guy is surely a creep and probably a rapist, but for the love of pete, I don't need to hear the phrase "experienced kinkster and professional dominatrix" twice in as many paragraphs. (And "kinkster"? Really?)

I'm suspicious of anyone who blabs incessantly about how kinky they are. Everyone is quick to claim they have some kink or "fetish" these days. Getting aroused by titties, for instance, is not a "fetish;" hate to break it to you but you basic. And being a misogynist is not a protected sexual class. The More Sexually…

If Taylor Swift can have a career built on bleating about past relationships, I'm egalitarian enough to say that Drake should have the same opportunity.

I do love their music videos. Makes me wish that I liked their music too.

As a gamma male I mostly wear the pants. Unless I get angry if that happens I just bust right out of them. I usually like to wear purple pants as that color compliments my slighty greenish skin tone.

I'm assuming his next move was to thank the nearby ficus tree for pulling him out of a burning tank during the war.