My freshman year of college, I made the mistake of dating a very serious born-again Christian. (I was raised both Catholic and Unitarian Universalist, I'm not sure what he was doing in the relationship either.)

"My bars are easy to follow. You can't spit. All you do is just swallow."

Keep sex out of Times Square! Wholesome place. Always has been. Should be protected.

Those sweet, sweet bro tears.

Great. Where is the comic book convention supposed to find another obnoxious white guy on such short notice?

Sure: I love nature. But when nature wants you dead, fuck nature. Take medicine and science. Hell, if nature just wants you to be less comfortable than you'd like to be, fuck it. Take the epidural, and don't feel bad about it.

do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

All the single ladies?

I'm not usually one to complain about magazine covers, but my god, the expressiveness of Farrow's shot! Beside her, Swift looks blank, like any emotion has been air-brushed away.

So the woman who got scratched has until the next blood moon to kill the original one or she turns into Amanda Bynes, right?

She's not actually saying that it's always an act when women happen to have interests and qualities that are traditionally masculine, though, or that a woman can't actually like those things and be hot. It's about the pressure on women to behave in certain ways that are really about shitting all over traditional…

I bet it's because you're funny! I've heard most women aren't funny!

If Martha is the matriarch and Goop is the overachieving daughter, Preserve must be the stoner sister that lives in the basement and can't seem to find her way in life.

That's a lie. We all know she cares. I still don't like her.

Hahaha, Lewinsky in a blue dress + Cumming. Doesn't that take you back?

I can't believe this guy HAS a girlfriend. God bless her.

Can you imagine 200 years from now?

Sounds like he's mistaken his own nostalgia for a real measure of quality. Like, why is he so hung up on how great Pete & Pete was? Comparing what you thought was brilliant when you were a kid with stuff made for kids that you've only experienced as an adult is bound to be an adventure in bias.

props to Pilot for not launching something directly at that dude's face during the interview

also, lol, to this guy for taking an innocuous interview about nickelodeon nostalgia into an insane racist rant