After hearing reports that Britney Spears's manager Sam Lutfi was playing drug dealer for his mentally unhinged client, we immediately flashed back to the analogy section of the SATs when we realized that Sam Lutfi : Britney Spears :: Howard Stern : Anna Nicole Smith. For the first time in our lives, we're on Team…

Didn't Mariah Carey ever hear of a lil' success story called America Ferrara? If not, will whomever is responsible for tanning, plucking, and waxing her 24/7 please remind Mimi that you gotta get ugly to get your hands on a little gold man. Currently filming the (we predict straight-to-DVD) movie Tennessee (that's…

Yes, it was a helluva game. And yes, the Manning bros' simultaneous smiles were near-cinematic, as were Plaxico's tears. But unlike the rest of America, we opposed conformity and muted the game, not the commercials. Why? Brand spankin' new movie trailer debuts! And no offense to unlikely hero Eli, but even your…

A warning to all athletes dating insanely hot famous women: you might want to think twice about allowing your ladyfriend anywhere near your player's box on Game Day. During yesterday's Super Bowl, Fox repeatedly cut to shots of New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady's supermodel girlfriend Gisele Bundchen enjoying…

We fear that after Snoop's flawless performance as a warm and fuzzy "gangsta" on Larry King this past Friday, the ol' suspendered geezer/legend is gonna call one of his 89 doctors and request some of this "medical marijuana" Snoop waxes silkily about in this clip. In the final moments of the show, King, as usual,…

Calvin Klein has always been a fan of drugged-up stars, but this morning's announcement that the designer picked Eva Mendes to star in his Spring `09 fragrance campaign makes him look less like a "fan," and more like a druggie Obsessive (uh, get it?). Klein, of course, is not only the man behind those heroin chic…

Ah, the In-N-Out. Referencing the famed burger chain makes us salivate just typing its name and, as it turns out, The Package (shocker!) feels the same way. United States Weekly reports that Brit, unimpressed (or just oblivious to) UCLA Med's appetizing, slightly-edible array of hospital-food-for-the-nutballs, ordered…

Yesterday, Fandango.com released a gushing statement to the press declaring that Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert had officially become their "best-selling concert film ever." Now, Var tells us this morning that the tweeny 3D release may be a biggie in more ways than just pre-sale ticket…

Now that we know the voice of Bart Simpson is a full-on "Clear" scientologist, we had to wonder what Bart would sound like were he played by the Clearest of All Clears: Mr. Tom Cruise! In this video mashup keenly edited together by Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer, our favorite yellow-haired toon turns…

Poor flipper-footed Denise Richards just can't catch a break. Following news that ex Charlie Sheen is trying to halt production of what could well become the apex of the washed-up celeb-centric reality show genre, Richards' bad luck streak continues with news that her performance as Dr. Christmas Jones in The World Is…

While rumors of Britney Spears' addiction to crystal meth have been swirling through the blogowebs for a few months now, two papers are now claiming last night's gurney shitshow happened after the fallen star spent days wide awake on Fergie's pre-hab drug of choice. The National Enquirer is reporting that Britney and…

Oh dear. For those of you who actually sleep at night, you missed a whopper of an evening at the Spears household. After Britney's newly assigned psychiatrist visited her at her house in the early evening, he found her condition and recent antics so dismal, he contacted the LAPD in an attempt to have her officially…

Hey, if Woody Allen can get away with schtupping his adopted daughter and later having one big happy family with her, surely rumored rascal Ethan Hawke can be forgiven for knocking up his (and Uma's) former nanny, right? The Gen X posterboy and girlfriend Ryan Shawhughes announced today that another baby Hawke is on…

With two armies of ladies fighting over Christian Brando's body, the debate over where to put the recently deceased son of Marlon to rest is now being fought on a very public stage. In order to help win the battle, both Anna Kashfi, Brando's mother, and his girlfriend Donna Geon have recruited others closely connected…

Why the Today Show waited so long to combine massive martinis, Meredith Vieira and Martha Stewart into a segment is beyond us. After watching two of the most regal small screen dames tip back an early morning stiff one, we're ready to hand the producers a Daytime Emmy. The festivities began with Martha calmly asking…

At last night's sold-out, tranny-filled Kathy Griffin stand-up show at Madison Square Garden, Kath slayed the audience with a brand-new act that leaned heavily on Scientology skewering material. You see, one of Kathy's best friends was a Sex and the City writer/producer named Judy Toll, who died in 2002 from…

Britney Spears, her no longer estranged mom Lynne and sketchball manager Sam Lufti hit a Beverly Hills Mercedes-Benz dealership earlier this afternoon in search of some good old-fashioned retail therapy. Brit Brit arrived on the scene dressed in typical scattershot fashion: faux intellectual glasses, the dirtiest pair…

When the Detroit Free Press decided to offer their highly-regarded film critic Terry Lawson a voluntary buyout package over the holidays, most everyone following the situation assumed that they would quickly replace him with a younger (and less expensive) critic. However, we have since learned that The Freep, which is…

As the entire world has previously noted, Jessica Simpson isn't exactly the brightest bulb, nor the luckiest. A year ago, Simpson was being paid millions for tell-all articles in OK! Magazine, her mug (and tits) sashayed from glossy mag cover to coffee table books shot by Annie Liebovitz. Nowadays, the dimly lit…