Got it. Sorry, my humor detector is malfunctioning. :-)

I feel you man. But also, there’s really not all that much you can do, first-aid-wise, for a bullet in the brain, especially these armor-piercing copkilling bullets that most people feel the need to own these days. I used to work in the morgue. You would not BELIEVE what a bullet does to a cranium, especially a…

Are you joking? I really can’t tell.

Seriously! In my state it’s against the law to not have a fence around your damn pool, but you can leave your guns out wherever you want.

But onemillionmoms.com just don’t give a shit. What they’re really, really concerned about is ‘Lucifer’ and ‘Black Jesus’ on TV.

I would argue that with exposure to even the slightest amount of alcohol/depression/irritation/marital stress, ADULTS don’t have the restraint to be trusted around a carelessly laid out loaded gun.

Maybe he’s adopting a power pose?

No! Jeb, no. No! Jeb! Goddamnit Jeb!

COME EAT ME, BRO

I just wanted to respond to this to share that my daughter believes, and I mean truly believes, that it is called “Panda Bear Express” and refuses to refer to it as anything else.

Jerb Bush - failing at everything.

Can we get that on a T-shirt? “Place your eyeballs elsewhere, please”. I love that.

WORD. And sigh. The way he looks at her when she’s playing the piano (harpsichord?) is just gut-wrenching.

Soooo...ungodly clawed talons accented by pointed press-on nails and the blue zirconia promise ring my 8th grade boyfriend gave me?

The subsequent amebic dysentery will be symbolic of the purging of the relationship.

Please share. Please, please share.

This looks like the groom is doing the Heimlich. She may be choking to death, but she’s not going to lose her grip on that bouquet, dammit.

Or also, even if you are a virgin, you are DTF because you wore that dress/walked in heels/left the house. If you don’t want to get fucked you should only expose yourself to the ambient air inside your own home.

Sadly, Rex would not go on to pass his EMT course.

Wha...whi...who...which idiot producer thought this was necessary or appropriate? Just be a person, for gods sake. Jeez. Pain tourism is right.