Disclosure: Donald Trump has been provided with dirt on Hillary Clinton by the Kremlin, and has had his hair playfully mussed by a celebrity enthusiast. His shitty, racist opinions are his own.

Making fun of his weight is just picking low hanging fruit, which Christie would never touch, unless it’s covered in chocolate or filling a pie; because he’s a fatty fatty 2x4, can’t fit through the kitchen door.

Yeah, but you should see him during timeouts. One of the best ever.

My family is from War Creek, KY, right in Breathitt County. My dad remembers riding a mule to get to his grandfather’s house, while his folks had to walk on the unpaved and undrivable road. We had shiners and revenuers both in the family, but the family reunion was an armistice, since the organizer is a tee-totaling…

A professional wrestler in a high school gym in rural Kentucky is better informed than our president.

What my intention is and your reception of what I write may often miss the mark. I’m not going to be angry with you if you don’t get what I write.

I looked at that for about 5 min last night, struggling to find meaning in it, sweat (and gin) pouring from my brow. This morning i come down and open this on purpose just to see if you explained the joke. Before I stop scrolling I get it, swear and wake up the cat.

Fucking. Nuclear. Take.

Is it just me or is this a fucking awful deal for Minnesota??

Whoa everybody look out we’ve got an edgy man (former edgy teen) comin’ through

It’s a superhero movie more than anything else, but I still love it. The second raid sequence (the successful one) is one of the most fuck-yeah pieces of cinematography filmed, especially thanks to that wonderful soundtrack (by Ennio Morricone!!) But that, the Potemkin homage, and “did it sound anything like that?”…

John Madden is standing in front of a buffet line

Nine minutes? Man, he just missed another triple double. Well, there’s always next year’s MVP debate, 10x more fevered that any debate concerning the long-term habitability of the Earth or whether Jill Hennessy or Carey Lowell was the hotter ADA on Law and Order.

Are you sure that has not been taxidermied?

“But enough about my ex-wife!”

My late grandmother’s dog is somehow still kicking and looks pitiful. He’s got an untreatable skin condition and is just old as sin. He was dumped at my parents house a good 15 years ago. Has the funniest looking underbite but my grandmother loved that dog more than anything.

FAKE NEWS. There are no ugly dogs.

Because competition is fun and entertaining? Because that’s the whole point if the league?

Meh. If the “President” won’t bother to work, why should anyone else?

Yeah, they're going to give you a polygraph to determine whether you should be thrown out of a stadium. Fucking idiot.