So what if Departures screwed you out of winning the office Oscar pool, there are numerous racetracks and casinos in the Southland to stoke your newfound gambling addiction.

We're preparing ourselves for the last night of Late Night Conan with some BBC. It's important to check out what the Brits are chortling at these days because NBC will be repackaging it soon.

The Grey's Privates crossover continues tonight, but we're excited for the ER-The Librarian crossover as swashbuckling historical mysteries heat up County General Hospital. Wait, Noah Wyle is reprising his Dr. Carter character? Same dif.

So far, it's been a jubilant final march for Late Night, and we can expect more fan-friendly shenanigans (Carrie Fisher and the Masturbating Bear running away together) tonight and the rest of the week.

American Idol and Biggest Loser clock in at two hours apiece tonight, which makes it perfectly justified to take a half-hour break from either to check out Snoop Dogg's new variety show.

The Oscars are in six days, and while only a very few ever win that statue, the stars have your Academy Awards after the jump. Time to buy a gown.

Friday nights are so bad that there's a well-researched Wikipedia entry devoted to the death slot. Fox is getting all mavericky and throwing Dollhouse into the mix, assuming the target audience won't have plans tonight.

We usually leave the sports stuff for Deadspin, but HBO's new series Eastbound & Down has very little to do with sports, and even less to do with compassionate human interaction. We're cool with that.

Double snaps to 30 Rock, as it has entered our pantheon (it's a storage locker in Atwater Village) of shows that are too dominant in their genre to recommend (along with American Idol and AC360°).

Stand-up comedy is usually boring live (and especially boring on television), but we always check the trades for comics getting their own shows. Most go sitcom, but we prefer comics who do something original.

As Pro-Choicers, we prefer the government keep out of a woman's business, yet we firmly support the media getting up in there. In these trying times, anyone having a child (let alone 8) deserves scrutiny.

New York Fashion Week begins Thursday but we're getting the jump on it tonight. First up: The ageless icon Karl Lagerfeld. Maybe you can't afford his clothing, but you can probably achieve his hairstyle.

Congress stepped in to ensure your bubby's old Hitachi still receives snowy episodes of All My Children, but you have been given a similar window of opportunity to rethink your life and poor eating habits.

Pirates had a good week - from studios admitting they're totally screwed, to actual pirates receiving millions in ransom - so we suggest you stop BitTorrenting The Wrestler and watch some family-friendly TV.

We've noted a lack of watchable medical drama in current network programming, but we're suckers for crossovers. The Grey's Privates event, as we call it while giggling, tops today's picks.

After a glowing NYT write-up and a new night of the week, we're hoping Life starts to see better ratings. Sadly, the boost from Knight Rider dissolves quickly in American Idol's jetwash.

Remember when Tuesday nights used to mean Gilmore Girls? Now it's reality shows (Idol, Biggest Loser), superficial but fun teenage shows (90210, Privileged) and various procedurals (SVU, The Mentalist). We'll nap until The Daily Show.

Our 3-D glasses are still firmly affixed to our faces, but our hopes that they would make The Early Show or CNN's Rick Sanchez more watchable proved futile. We'll try again with Chuck.

Some special groundhog in Pennsylvania saw his shadow today, but it's that greasy otter in West Hollywood who you're worried about. Hooking up with him was a mistake, but he's wriggling into your love forecast.

Thus begins Super Bowl weekend, but we're more excited about Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl V. Watching cute dogs pounce around a miniature football stadium will help take the edge off your negative checking balance.