Everything’s a joke to you Mr Cock until the Russians sneak into Sarah Palin’s back yard because our boys were too busy trying to figure out what everyone’s genitals looked like under their uniforms to stop em!!!!

We’re already changing the gender of the fish because of all the hormones we wind up flushing through the sewers, and those asshole fish pee in the ocean all the time ...

Not at all. And I’m pretty open minded, but I’ll admit that- OH GOD, LOOK OUT. THE NATIVE AMERICAN’S ARE BACK FOR REVENGE.

Uh huh. You sound pretty racist and hateful, too, now that you mention it.

Yes.

Look, I’m the least racist person there is, but would you want your daughter marrying one of these bus seats? Some sort of lesbian polyester bus-human sin fest? Think of the bus-human mixed-race surrogate hijab terror children.

As much as I would love for some good chunks of this to be true ... I’m skeptical because everyone involved isn’t just a liar, they are prone to ridiculous exaggerations of their own importance. A pox on all of them.

What is Benghazi? No one knows because Hillary Clinton has been covering it up. I’m concerned with the real Benghazi. Buy my book.

BENGHAZI.

Quick. Someone tell Trump what a Faustian Bargain means.

I did not... have... sexual relations with that woman. She blew me, and was out the door.

I didn’t kill him because I was way too incompetent. In fact, my aim was so horrible that I used an entire 20 round clip trying to gun him down and didn’t get a single hit.

Right?! “I did not steal that car! I mean, I couldn’t even pop the door lock!”

“I did not have an affair. I couldn’t even get laid at the bar I went to last weekend, and trust me I tried.”

Maybe he should get a better lawyer.

Not the shitty ones that Trump and his band of merry men has hired. They’ll tell him anything he wants to hear so long as they get paid. They know he’s fucked. He knows he’s fucked. Its only a matter of time until they are all officially fucked.

You know, people look at Australia as weird for having compulsory voting. But you guys, seriously - dafuq? At least we have an independent electoral body. You don’t give the monkeys the key to the banana plantation.

I’m sure it’s been said already, but I can’t resist:

It’s like 1986 all over again.

But what about the wifi?