And don't pick your feet. Anywhere.

There was a little Spanish flea

That goat is just lucky the cops saw the cameras before they started shooting.

My friend, this is the 21st Century. The word “chick” is quite insulting and demeaning to the dames of today, so knock it off.

It figures a former Dolphin would be a money flipper.

And I bet that's where my free popcorn is. REMOVE YOUR TONGUE AND GIVE ME MY FREE POPCORN!!!!!

“Complimentary hat was quite prickly and uncomfortable.”

I would get out of the house more often, but that damn Le Petomane toll booth is still up, and I keep forgettin’ my shitload of dimes!

Yeah, 'cause everyone who's ever been on "The Voice" has gone on to sell zillions.

" I simply cannot believe my ears."

"...my precious ...."

Very true; sadly, any present and future attempts to work with nuclear power will indeed involve humans.

"I used to eat canned ravioli cold out of the can as a major food group."

The bar incident also resulted in the loss of 31 teeth.

Someone's ready for the 2015 Buck-Buck season!

Prosecutor: "Sir, do you work?"

Never put a purchase on a credit card that you can't pay for in one cycle.

No worries, Rolling Stone is on the case!

BOOBS!