NBA playoffs-related journalist slap-fight!

What's that you say? You'd like to have your mind blown by Frankenstenian NBA theme-composer John Tesh rapping with all the lyrical skill of a 1989-era Fresh Prince suffering from a gaping head wound?

The above video, featuring Comcast SportsNet's Capitals reporter Lisa Hillary suffering a highly entertaining, if ultimately non-life-threatening, heart-attack while being terrorized by a Verizon Center rat, represents our first exposure to playoff hockey in years.

Well, we certainly weren't expecting this on our last day, but we'll share the nice, unsigned note we just got from the address deathstarvader@hotmail.com: "Hey, buddy, best o' luck! Some of us just met up in the fourth floor kitchenette to nuke one up in your honor! They get a little tough when you prepare them this…

This will be funny to five people, tops, but since I've abandoned any pretense of getting actual work done, here goes. Hey: Pandercorns! [click image to enlarge]

· Good news, advertisers, entertainment journalists, and fans of overblown montages of new shows that will likely be canceled before December: The upfronts are back on! The networks may continue them in some modified form, but it seems as if they're planning on maintaining the most crucial part of the tradition: free…

NBC perfect storm/D-girl disdainer/nerd-hating prom king Ben Silverman has long been filthy rich in the kind of programming savvy that's resulted in translated foreign hits like The Office and Ugly Betty and resurrected, nostalgic sensations like Knight Rider and American Gladiators, but following the just-announced…

· Things Michael Bay considers awesome: Blowing shit up, tigers in his living room, fiber-optic internet access. Especially the first one.
· We completely forgot to watch The Moment of Truth last night, but thanks to Fox's handy YouTube recaps, we got all caught up in just two minutes. We'll never suffer through…

· Music round-up: Mellowdrone at Spaceland; The Black Lips at the El Rey; Aretha "Call Me the Queen" Franklin at the Nokia Theatre; Was (Not Was) with Brian Wilson and Kris Kristofferson at the Orpheum Theatre.
· The Silent Movie Theatre offers a Valentine's Day double-feature of Casablanca and The Love Tapes, Wendy…

While some writers mused about taking minimum-wage gigs to help them make ends meet or alleviate their boredom during the strike, My Name is Earl creator Greg Garcia actually followed through on the idea, hoping to reconnect with the people a sitcom showrunner tends not to encounter while locked in a writers room with…

Via Craigslist's Missed Connections, our humble attempt to help one anonymous lonelyheart find her briefly encountered soulmate on this Valentine's Day: "Dark Hair, Striped Sweater, Clean Cut at The Griffin - w4m - 23
I saw you across the bar and couldn't believe my eyes. I was drinking a Guinness and you were talking…