A Very Special Guest Editor Goodbye
Alright, time to shut this thing down.
Feuding Reporters Briefly Enliven Terrible Cavs-Hawks Series
NBA playoffs-related journalist slap-fight!
Lance Armstrong Turned Off By Sheryl Crow's Incessant Babymaking Demands
Yes, we know: You've been incontinent with suspense about what rent asunder the sacred ugly-bumping bond between four-hundred-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow, the singer who had that song that time.
John Tesh Offers You $20K To Rap-Dribble-And Dance Your Way To Total Humiliation
What's that you say? You'd like to have your mind blown by Frankenstenian NBA theme-composer John Tesh rapping with all the lyrical skill of a 1989-era Fresh Prince suffering from a gaping head wound?
The First Manny-less Night In Mannywood
While Manny Ramirez began his hCG-detox in the Suspension Lounge deep within Scott Boras's Orange County compound, his now-abandoned team had to carry on without its lovable floppy-haired, hormone-abusing left fielder.
Deadspin I-Team: Is The Panamanian Cricket Team Artificially Enhanced?
On the backchannels, Daulerio has charged us with launching a Deadspin I-Team investigation into the veracity of some suspiciously bottom-heavy photographs of the "Panamanian Cricket Team."
Reporter Sees Rat, Freaks Out In Exact Highly Amusing Way You'd Expect
The above video, featuring Comcast SportsNet's Capitals reporter Lisa Hillary suffering a highly entertaining, if ultimately non-life-threatening, heart-attack while being terrorized by a Verizon Center rat, represents our first exposure to playoff hockey in years.
A Note From The Guest Editor
Greetings from Los Angeles, the charming little front-running town that just suffered a devastating cockpunch from a left-fielder who's being unfairly persecuted for his totally innocent use of a female fertility drug.
This Round Of Andre Is On Me
[Mood: Unsettling mix of trouser-soiling fear and misguided hope. Song: "The One Where Everyone On 'Six Feet Under' Dies" by Sia]
Well, we certainly weren't expecting this on our last day, but we'll share the nice, unsigned note we just got from the address deathstarvader@hotmail.com: "Hey, buddy, best o' luck! Some of us just met up in the fourth floor kitchenette to nuke one up in your honor! They get a little tough when you prepare them this…
This will be funny to five people, tops, but since I've abandoned any pretense of getting actual work done, here goes. Hey: Pandercorns! [click image to enlarge]
Upfronts, Peacocks And Low-Grossers
· Good news, advertisers, entertainment journalists, and fans of overblown montages of new shows that will likely be canceled before December: The upfronts are back on! The networks may continue them in some modified form, but it seems as if they're planning on maintaining the most crucial part of the tradition: free…
Ben Silverman Sells Production Company For $125 Million, Now Just Doing NBC Day Job For A Goof
NBC perfect storm/D-girl disdainer/nerd-hating prom king Ben Silverman has long been filthy rich in the kind of programming savvy that's resulted in translated foreign hits like The Office and Ugly Betty and resurrected, nostalgic sensations like Knight Rider and American Gladiators, but following the just-announced…
A Farewell To Grazerhead
[SFX: a PHONE RINGING at Defamer HQ]
Bay: Blowing Shit Up Is Twice As Awesome With FIOS
· Things Michael Bay considers awesome: Blowing shit up, tigers in his living room, fiber-optic internet access. Especially the first one.
· We completely forgot to watch The Moment of Truth last night, but thanks to Fox's handy YouTube recaps, we got all caught up in just two minutes. We'll never suffer through…
Mellowdrone, Casablanca, Love Scenes
· Music round-up: Mellowdrone at Spaceland; The Black Lips at the El Rey; Aretha "Call Me the Queen" Franklin at the Nokia Theatre; Was (Not Was) with Brian Wilson and Kris Kristofferson at the Orpheum Theatre.
· The Silent Movie Theatre offers a Valentine's Day double-feature of Casablanca and The Love Tapes, Wendy…
'My Name Is Earl' Creator Garcia Reveals Secret Fast Food Day Job That Kept Him Busy During The Strike
While some writers mused about taking minimum-wage gigs to help them make ends meet or alleviate their boredom during the strike, My Name is Earl creator Greg Garcia actually followed through on the idea, hoping to reconnect with the people a sitcom showrunner tends not to encounter while locked in a writers room with…
Trekkies Rip Off Rubber Vulcan Ears In Disgust Following Announcement of Five Month 'Star Trek' Release Delay
· Paramount breaks the hearts of the millions of Trekkies who thought they'd be spending Christmas at the multiplex with Kirk, Spock and Uhura, delaying their J.J. Abrams directed Star Trek from this December 25 until May 8, 2009 in hopes that they can wring more money from the franchise during the summer blockbuster…
Via Craigslist's Missed Connections, our humble attempt to help one anonymous lonelyheart find her briefly encountered soulmate on this Valentine's Day: "Dark Hair, Striped Sweater, Clean Cut at The Griffin - w4m - 23
I saw you across the bar and couldn't believe my eyes. I was drinking a Guinness and you were talking…