I found a pair of plaid cargo shorts in my drawer the other day and decided to wear them. They had giant lovely pockets. Then I remembered these were shorts I bought for my husband’s Halloween costume that were too small for him. Man-shorts to the rescue.

The Fall makes me pretty much want to have all the sex with her constantly.

Oh, that’s pretty neat! I don’t think that was a thing when I registered for my first wedding ... uh ... dear god, 20 years ago now.

She is so stunning.

I have never heard of a completion discount. What is it?

Yanno, neither Kim K. nor sheer dresses are really my thing, but this is very striking. I actually like it.

That’s all I could think, but it seems dumb to register for 4 strawberry hullers or egg slicers that are like $5 just to return them for cash. But I am a lazy person so maybe that’s not too much effort for someone else.

Fortunately my stepmother is only like ... 11 years older than I am, so I had no problem standing my ground with her. Mostly I just say “huh, interesting” and then go do whatever I was already going to do when she makes “suggestions”. And my father made her tell people I didn’t want gifts as well.

I don’t even know what this is, but I have a gallon of Tillamook Salted Butterscotch and now I want to see how fast I can get to the bottom of it.

I had some friends that had been living together for at least 5 years when they got married. She had FOUR registries. And the registries had multiple overlaps of things I knew she already owned. Like, across four different registries she had 5 ice cream scoops (two of which were on the same registry, obviously) and 3…

It’s traditionally supposed to be to set up your household, but since most of us HAVE dishes and pots and, uh ... corn strippers (?) by the time we get married it’s become a way to get new stuff at your friends’ and distant relatives’ expense.

The one that caught me was “corn stripper”.

Okay can I just say, every time I see that screen name I’m baffled that belongs to an actual adult. When I was 16 and the internet was only BBSes, I went by “Rainsong Stormsinger.” I’d outgrown that by the time AOL was a thing, for heaven’s sake.

*steals it and sells it on eBay for eleventy billion dollars.*

And my first wedding was outdoors in Santa Barbara in late May, and it rained. Of course we didn’t have an indoor backup, because it’s not supposed to rain!

That makes baby jesus sad.

If people WANT to smear cake on each other, that’s cool, but like 90% of the time it seems like one person hates the tradition and the other one is like “lol it’s funneh”. I remember a couple where she said “No cake smashing, please.” He smeared cake on her anyway, so she took the entire plateful and smashed it in his…

Was that on your Falker Satherhood cake or ...?

We had cake, but also cannoli. Most people went for the cannoli.

And then you take it off just before you go on your lunch break, and walk by the protesters again. “Ahh, that’s a weight off!”