Networks pay millions for ex-players to explain these things to viewers, and 99 times out of 100 it’s obvious the analyst just tries to wow the viewer with jargon from their playing days and fill the airtime with word salad. Watson is more helpful and succinct in that clip than any of them. Does CTE make them…

John Henry has a net worth of $2.7 billion.

NBA fan math works like this:

LeBron 37 wins last year
+ Davis: 33 wins last year
———————

There’s still Melo.

Spend a lifetime bangin’ hoores and you’re gonna catch the syphilis 

Writers note: I assume that’s what Taylor Swift’s music sounds like but I admit, ever since I listened to the first 17 seconds of her remake of Earth Wind & Fire’s “September,” threw up in my mouth, went into septic shock and had a Caucasity-induced seizure

Binders full of guys?

The most mind-blowing part of this story is that it took a week to convince someone to find a way out of Oklahoma City. 

For some reason, my favorite part of the story is that in the middle of the biggest day of Clippers history, Doc was on his way to Nobu Malibu.

The conspiracy theorist in me wants to believe they are saying this to settle down the NBA’s tampering rules, but this probably just is Occam’s Razor. 

This is quite the inferno you’ve made for yourself.

Additionally, Vazquez allegedly sent the victim text messages suggesting they would meet for sex after his baseball season was over.

If you’re going to make a joke about this it has to be funnier. I don’t make the rules

As is appropriate for an astronomy post, you get all the stars.

Follow-up observations have revealed that the object has a hyperbolic orbit

Trump has really helped me understand my own family better and vice-versa...which is so much sadder than it sounds. 

That’s what my mother in law is like. She lives alone and the TV is on pretty much 24/7, even while she sleeps the few hours a night that she can. It’s funny, because she hates Trump, but exhibits the same signs you mention of him, as well as confusion, angry outbursts and a complete inability to accept blame or that…

I think Natalie is a good writer, but it kinda seems like it was a toxic friendship all around. 

First time saying this: thank god I’m too old to give a shit.

I promise you, fam: