If I ever kill anyone, I will kill them on a cruise ship.

Like so many young girls, I saw Disney’s The Little Mermaid and was entranced. I spent hours at the pool trying to perfect my “part of your world” hair flip. Now I am 33, and I watch my four-year-old daughter do the same thing, dipping under water and flipping her long blonde hair over and over, bobbing between air…

There’s a scene on the CBS show Criminal Minds in which JJ, a pregnant FBI profiler, halts a conversation about a killer to put headphones over her pregnant belly. She tells the others she doesn’t want her child to hear the gory details of the conversation, as if talk of dismembered women will permanently scar the…

Once again, we have reached the time of year when families send out holiday cards that are more polished and professional that anything you’d get from your friendly local State Farm or even a national political campaign.

Punishing children is a fraught, occasionally necessary task. I know we live in a time of positive rewards and encouraging good behavior rather than punishing the bad. But toddlers are basically tiny psychopaths who will destroy you. Don’t believe me? Just trying blocking a two-year-old’s access to bleach. They will…