WRONG. Speedy Gonzalez is #1.

I used to play war with a deck of cards of Looney Tunes characters. Speedy was the Ace, per playground rules.

Taz is #2.

Everyone else is sharkbait, even armed with the Iludium P-38 Modulator.

Remember, speed kills, and Speedy is the Killiest.

Jalopnik does so many nice favors for Elon Musk, I’m sure he’d run with this idea. The site, such a font of support for his companies and personage, is sure to get his help gratis to make this happen. 10 million for his friends at jalopnik? Pales in comparison to the value of your long, loyal friendship and…

Eh, I have better things to do than care about what trendy but tasteless tweets of a rich privileged elite. Strikes me more of someone that is riding pop left wing politics for a steady rise in professional status. About 98% of america, regardless of race, are experiencing much worse oppression and struggle than this…

Hey, look, an educated expert in the know.

This guy KNOWS THINGS, everybody.

Enjoy buying a car from the morally decent ICE car companies we all can trust. They’ve never done anything wrong like tweet. Never done anything like resist basic safety regulations or suppress recalls or knowingly sell flawed cars.

No sir, they haven’t been complicit in 100 years of carbon pollution and the…

Nah, they just did the absolute minimum effort to try to “even out” their coverage. Newspaper scoring: 5 articles for, 5 articles against. See? We are objective! Totally not being paid. Nope, not desperate, cashless gawker.

Either that, or they are so thoroughly being shut out by Tesla that they can’t even get a test…

Jalopnik morons on Minimalist Tesla interior: vomit inducing
Jalopnik morons on Minimalist track car: so true to the road

JBodyBuilder... truly the username of a source of enlightened, forward-looking commentary. It’s like his brain is on steroids, people. Or maybe that BCA supplement has some brain boosters. Whatever it is, truly the IQ of a growth-stimulated person. 

The astroturfers have to eat. That might as well have been a carbon copy of a fake amazon review.

Oh so you want a car with a single microphone?

GET A LOAD OF THIS ARTICLE THAT PURPORTS TO BE NEWS BUT IS JUST CRAP CLICKBAIT.

ITS RIDICULOUS. Well, actually, it’s just stupid and insignificant. But clicks, man, clicks.

Did anyone ever suggest that the Patriots’ personal Stazi force discovered him to be a deep plant mole and was going to throw the game to Philly since he was a soon-to-be free agent?

Get a load of this fraud of a title:

Ryan Felton: Transportation & Technology Reporter

... you comment on gossip. Nothing more. That’s all that is in your craptastic article. No “Technology”. No “Transportation”. I guess you can call this reporting.

There is a lot of men immediate assuming that women are dwarfed by men athletically, which in the lower-middle rec leagues of postcollegiate sports isn’t nearly as true as it is in high school and college.

But a lot of it might be a lack of understanding of the degree of aggression and physicality that exists in the…

You guys need a new Simmons gif. That is seriously old

The gawkerazzi have gotten bored of Muskhating, so I guess I’m losing steam too.

He’s better than D’Andre Jordan ever was, isn’t he? He rolls better, blocks better, and shoots a better free throw?

Gawkerdrones are a collective soulless mockery factory in the new age of morality-free journalism. There’s a reason they cling to SJW ethos, because it affords the maximum number of people to mock, the least amount of justification, and false righteousness armor when their mockery goes off the rails.

But I’ve been…

Last I saw he was losing in pros vs joes, wasn’t he? Before that, a bush league tackle on Steve Nash in the playoffs. Yeah, he’s so done he’s got maggots.

Wormhole transporters. Just as (im) probable