May Lakshmi bring Ms. Schoenfeld lots and lots of lawsuit money.

Attention all news outlets:

Beats by Dre, indeed.

true story: when i was 19 and really high i went into prada on the UES. i thought i saw eve ensler and i went up to her and said “you’re the reason cunt is my favorite word.” it was not eve ensler. luckily the woman thought it was hilarious and got mistaken for her before.

Everyday you don’t celebrate Christmas, you are contributing to the war on Christmas. The only hope is for everyone to send me presents.

Oh Sam, Sam, you know where I am
Come around and talk awhile
I need your smile ........

Blaine is a pain, and that is the truth.

Airlines and Hospitals. The businesses that well and truly despise their customer base.

Tweezing out the spiky widdle chin-hairs as they appear. Don’t worry for long, girls— Father Time will soon bring this glorious routine to YOU, too! Hooray aging!

“You wouldn’t accept a history class not being historically accurate”

LA LA LA!

you two are my kind of people. <3

She, Jessica Chastain, and Gillian Anderson all struck a bargain with the same crossroads demon.

And I looked, and behold a brown horse: and his name that sat on him was Deuce, and Feces followed with him.

Cynicism has left us blind. This is what people seeking office SHOULD do - stay in contact with and actually seem to give a shit about the people they’re claiming they want to lead. Take away all the donations and PACs and grossness about politics, and that’s really what it all comes right back to actually being about…

My cat, who once opened a microwave oven while the popcorn was popping, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once destroyed a floor-to-ceiling lamp with her butt, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once fell off a bookshelf at 3 AM only to land butt-first on my face (catass…

In middle school, our band was invited to compete in the state of Michigan's public school band competition. Probably not the formal name of it, but whatever - we sucked as a band and it's not that important to the story. Because said competition took over the course of two days in a location that was a three hour…