It’s what I did, but my family is fucking pushy so you have to be blunt with them. We canceled the large ceremony and got married with just us, my step children, our witnesses, and the pastor when my family wouldn’t shut up about all the traditions we were abandoning. The sad part, we were paying for everything, and…

I’m in love with your wedding.

You are the best.

Why are you telling my life story?

Ewwww!

Those are generally exceptions. Before I got married I was singled shamed way too many times to ever be comfortable with that crap. I don’t even like the all married couples dance thing because I still feel that dividing your friends and family by relationship status is tacky.

Never, ever think you’re the only one.

The extra cheddar and no bun were the joke because it would be messy to eat that in your car. It didn’t happen to me, it was an ex boyfriend’s brother. I have no idea whether they were ever officially told to never hold the bun; I just know the one time he’d had enough of the crap and did hold the bun he ended up with…

Atlanta metro area. I truly think the origin of the joke is dumb guys thinking they’re funny.

I couldn’t tell you my number with a gun to my head. I don’t even remember some of their names.

The pumpkin spice latte does reek. One of my coworkers loves those things.

I can’t wait.

We actually had people who would order extra caramel on top of those things. I can’t even imagine how teeth achingly sweet that would be.

I can imagine.

You have a story more insane than this one?

I still remember one guy objecting because he thought it was a good idea that we had at least one day where people didn’t drink. Uh dude, we always bought extra on Saturday so we could still drink on Sunday. I also remember another guy saying he didn’t care because he didn’t drink on any day. Well good for you sir.…

That is exactly why you eat at Waffle House.

I always hated the English speaking customers who just pointed at the pastries. Use your words people.

I know I’m not his type, but fuck do I love Mikey.

I feel the same way when I order my steak rare and the server explains what that means. Do I look like I can’t handle a rare piece of meat? I know deep down they’re doing so they don’t end up with an upset customer causing a scene, and I know my feelings are just me being neurotic. So you’re not alone in this.