I like your strategy. That’s generally what I do as well.

And Presidents' Day and Veterans Day and Columbus Day 

I don’t want to stay up that late sober or drunk anymore. The kids will be up at 6 am. I can’t deal with toddlers while hungover.

Half the days on your list aren’t even official holidays. They aren’t the most exciting, but a lot of people still get off work for Washinhton’s Birthday, Martin Luther King Jr day, Columbus Day, and Veterans Day. That would put them all above Halloween. 

A lot of the people I see out there on social media panicking about romaine lettuce because of what the CDC says are likely to be the same ones not vaccinating their kids (like the CDC recommends). It’s strange, strange Venn diagram.

No.

Literally hours. I didn't realize how much faster it would cook the first time I tried it. The turkey was done about it two and a half hours before dinner time. 

They made a sequel?

Luckily for him it’s KU, where they like to pay big name coaches not to work.

Butter is delicious, but due to the high water content, it’s not the best for getting crisp skin. This is especially true if you plan on spatchcocking the bird which tends to let it cook much faster. 

Really looking forward to watching an overrated The Ohio State stumble ass first into the playoffs only get their teeth kicked in again. 

In their defense, watching someone fall is always funny*.

At their ages, things don't work as smoothly as when they were young  

For rum, your best bet is to leave the US and just buy some Havana Club Seleccion de Maestros.

What do you have against spreadsheets?

If you have a dishwasher, use it. My only complaint with a garbage disposal is that I’ve had too many idiot roommates and house guests in the past who think they can put anything and everything down it. Inevitably the popes get clogged and I have to call a plumber. 

Yes

What's it like to be friends with a psychopath?

As a kid, I didn't realize it was a racial stereotype. Growing up, I thought this was a regional thing. The southern part of my family made sweet potato pie, the midwestern side made pumpkin. The midwestern side of the family is also guilty of every single culinary sin/white people food stereotype ever listed on the…

Fun fact: most people make squash pies. Canned pumpkin is actually a variety of butternut squash rather than a pumpkin like most people picture.