Lillian Stone's posts

There are assholes, and then there are assholes. The latter applies to a very particular brand of dirtbag: the kind…

Not all beer is primed for reindeer delivery, but all reindeer are primed to deliver beer. At least, that seems to…

Oh, good: Zoom is lifting its 40-minute meeting time limit this Thanksgiving. That’s a relief. Otherwise, users with…

If you’ve gotta shed this mortal coil, you should go in an honorable fashion. With that in mind, I like to imagine a…

Dark stuff happens when you’re hangry. Best-case scenario, you snap at a loved one before you can get your hands on…

Humans are strange creatures, full of all kinds of messy foibles and contradictions. Still, there’s something pretty…

It’s possible that American sexual education has failed my generation. Without outside tutelage (ahem, Twitter),…

Another day, another bout of collective hysteria over literally nothing. Yesterday, British celebrity chef Nigella…

The Central Valley is California’s most productive agricultural region, home to superstar crops like almonds and…

We all need a quarantine angel. For me, it’s my Russian neighbor who burst into my apartment six months ago,…

It’s 2020, which means a trip to the grocery store involves a few extra steps. We wear masks. We sanitize our carts.…

Onion farmer TikTok is a thing, and it’s awakening the youths to an entirely new understanding of American…

I love drinking weird stuff through straws, which is why I was supremely tickled to hear about the nation’s newest…

Ah, beer pong. A strange and delightful social phenomenon as old as beer itself. Although history tells us that the…

Welcome to Hibernation Holiday, The Takeout’s guide to celebrating Thanksgiving in the comfort of your own home—and…

Competitive athletics is all about knockin’ heads and takin’ names. Fast food rankings encourage the same approach,…

Here at The Takeout, we usually do a pretty good job of sorting overly sensationalized promotional items from…

It’s New Year’s Eve, and you’re lying in bed vomiting maraschino-hued bile into a small Mason jar. The room is…

What do Alexander the Great, Charlemagne, Leonardo da Vinci, Henry VIII, and Isaac Newton all have in common?…

Welcome to Hibernation Holiday, The Takeout’s guide to celebrating Thanksgiving in the comfort of your own home—and…