They had me at "Olivia Wilde." Rawr.

Balloon Man.

Best use of the quote. Hands down.

Well, it would take away his time for filming car commercials.

Foghorn Leghorn?

So, M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening, basically?

I'm not saying this is/isn't a coincidence, but those are all red states…

The comment section is going to be a rather jumbled mess of voices spouting non-sequitur comments, Simpson references, and gimmick account propaganda. In other words, it will be fantastic.

The written recommendation for individuals who cannot read is probably less effective than Alex would hope.

She can get my battleship, if you know what I mean…

This proves it…Dirtbike Milksteaks is Daniel Craig.

She keeps saying "you KNOW what you did"…so probably?

*Balloon Man waits by the phone*

Well, they are "gentle" herpes, so I think that's allowed.

That's what my mom told me on my 5th birthday!

But enough Geraldo Rivera, we're supposed to be talking about a snake.

Oh, we find lots of things to say about the "news" they give us.

*starts penning the gritty reboot to Escape from New Amsterdam, titles it Ass*

This constitutes an actual diagnosis, right? I mean, the man is a doctor.

The Republican Party still has an opening, I hear.