It's been a while since we've seen Mark McGwire. Wait ... was that him at that Obama rally yesterday? OK, no, that wasn't him. But admit it: You wouldn't be surprised if he looked like this now.

Goose Gossage says you can't show joy when you do something positive. You can't bunt to end a no-hitter. If their guy throws even close to your guy, you have to throw closer to his guy. In the fourth inning, everyone has to do an Indonesian Dance Of Skulls before tapping his left ear twice. These "unwritten rules" of…

Slate's Robert Weintraub, like many of us, loves the old purple prose of early 1900s sportswriting, the Grantland Rices, the men who painted epic tales of warriors, grizzled combatants and lardywarks too manly to wear gloves. In an occasional series, Weintraub writes about the week's best baseball game in the style of…

You might remember last year, when a talented artist combined Michael Vick and Barbaro, causing us to spontaneously combust. Well, that artist is back, this time honoring the "great" Eight Belles.

The notion of "contraction," back when Major League Baseball was going to eliminate the Expos, the Twins, both, neither, somebody, seems kind of quaint now. MLB is raking in cash, and pretty much every team at least has the ability to compete. The Marlins and the Rays are in first, the Yankees are almost in last, and…

Last month, ESPN's Ric Bucher took some heat for saying that Jazz fans are vicious because they're Mormons and there's nothing else to do in Salt Lake City. That might or might not be true, but one thing is certain: They really are quite vicious.

We miss seeing Jayson Stark on "Baseball Tonight," but all told, we think we probably miss the mustache more. Who wouldn't?

The NHL Closer is written by five hockeyfarians from Melt Your Face Off. When not crafting paraphernalia out of a hockey stick, athletic tape and a puck (yeah, man, a puck!), they can be found hanging out, keeping it mellow and doing their thing. So kick back and relax, because Weed Against Speed has lit the incense,…

Sad news this morning, and we're pretty sure it's the fault of the goddamned blogs: Tony Kornheiser, after nearly 30 years at the Washington Post, has accepted a buyout from the paper.

Forgive us the doubling-up on Cubs stuff today, but we just can't help ourselves: A new story in — of course — AARP Magazine chronicles the plight of old people just trying to stay alive long enough to see a Cubs World Series win. (Via wrigleyville23.) Our suggestion is to look into cryogenics.

In the NBA conference semifinals, the road teams are 1-15. We all know home-court advantage matters, but have we ever put our finger on why?

Through it all, through all the hamboning and declining skills, we Cardinals fans have always loved Jim Edmonds. How do you not love a guy who has tattoos of both Darryl Kile and Josh Hancock? But man, if he signs with the Cubs, as has been heavily rumored, we might have a problem.