Hello, Saturday readers!

NAPIER, NEW ZEALAND - JANUARY 28: BJ Watling of New Zealand makes his ground during day three of the test match between New Zealand and Zimbabwe at McLean Park on January 28, 2012 in Napier, New Zealand. (Photo by Hagen Hopkins/Getty Images)

After a grand and glorious year at Jezebel, today marks my last day with all of you.

In "Songs I Discovered When I Went To Get A Haircut Two Weeks Ago And Not A Moment Sooner" news, Nicolas Cage has decided to add a little Nicolas Cage flair to that LMFAO song by turning it into a dramatic reading of sorts.

BARCELONA, SPAIN - JANUARY 27: A model walks the runway during the Desigual catwalk show as part of the 080 Barcelona Fashion week on January 27, 2012 in Barcelona, Spain. (Photo by David Ramos/Getty Images)

Despite the fact that the film has already earned $167 million worldwide, India says The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is "unsuitable for public viewing."

I'm not gonna lie. There are a lot of great things about this video but my vote for the most entertaining aspect goes to the little boy. His mixture of confusion, anxiety, and cautious enthusiasm were enough to keep me intrigued throughout the whole...well, most of the almost five minutes. This is 2012 and my…

PORTSMOUTH, ENGLAND - JANUARY 27: Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall presents medals to service personnel on Whale Island on January 27, 2012 in Portsmouth, England. The Duchess, who is Commodore in Chief of Royal Naval Medical Services, was presenting the service medals to medical personnel for service in Afghanistan.…

Katy Perry and her "see? I've moved on!" blue hair/metal-laced outfit strolled down the red carpet for the first time since her split from Russell Brand at an event for Givelove.org, which provides sustainable low-income solutions Haiti earthquake victims.

Hi, Saturday readers!

GLOUCESTER, ENGLAND - JANUARY 20: Jonny May (R) of Gloucester breaks clear to score the decisive try during the Gloucester v Toulouse Heineken Cup Pool Six match at Kingsholm Stadium on January 20, 2012 in Gloucester, England. (Photo by Michael Steele/Getty Images)

We may have a bit of good news regarding the seemingly never-ending case of 'Virginia vs. Homosexuals Adopting Babies Who Need Good Families, Gay Or Straight'.

Planning a wedding can be really difficult. You can spend months or years trying to find the right location, figuring out who to invite, how much you can afford, etc. but perhaps the most stressful thing about planning your wedding is finding the perfect g-string wedding dress, am I right everyone ever?

GALWAY, IRELAND - JANUARY 20: Dejected Harlequins players look dejected as they walk off after losing the Heineken Cup match between Connacht and Harlequins at Sportsground on January 20, 2012 in Galway, Ireland. (Photo by Ian Walton/Getty Images)

It's hard to tell if Michael Alone is a McDonald's knockoff or just a poor translation, but either way, these butchered brands are right up my "you couldn't think of a more original name?" alley.

Rick Santorum was recently asked how he would react if his daughter were raped. This was his answer:

BERLIN, GERMANY - JANUARY 20: A model walks the runway at the Michalsky Autumn/Winter 2012 fashion show during Michalsky StyleNite at Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Berlin at Tempodrom on January 20, 2012 in Berlin, Germany. (Photo by Adam Berry/Getty Images)

Elizabeth Smart, the woman who was kidnapped from her home in 2002 at age 14, is now engaged and trying to keep it fairly under wraps — well, as under wraps as possible given that the ABC News contributor is crazy famous and everyone wants to know about it and her family and reps keep talking about it.

If you're seated, continue to remain that way because it's time for the Saturday Night Live open thread!

Hi, Saturday readers!