I am so totally bulge-blind. I never noticed it until people pointed it out to me.

I’m up here in Quebec all like:

Two Corinthians One Trump is the next viral video.

Because I'm an intelligent person capable of thinking in nuanced ways and pondering how compromise could occur? I dunno. Maybe I'm just not as smart and good as you :)

Picture needed to accompany the quote.

Sometimes, dead is better.

Got my hair cut today - my stylist gushed over how soft and healthy my hair is. Aussie 3 Minute Miracle, $2.59 a bottle. My hair is long, curly/wavy, and a little oily. I wash 2-3 times a week, roots only, and then apply the conditioner.

Got my hair cut today - my stylist gushed over how soft and healthy my hair is. Aussie 3 Minute Miracle, $2.59 a…

It's so scary he was so good at it and then you just realized everything was a gigantic lie. I mean I'm glad we caught on because I'm sure if we didn't find out that time we would have either been implicated in a crime or ended up even more fucked over than we did. Which would be close to impossible

“...and THAT’S why you should never be a racist, xenophobic, classist asshole.”

If you want to get phelgm out of your lungs and throat, then cough. #hackhack

this is 100% applicable to me. my grandma’s bathroom has a randomly pattered wall paper and i still can see the ~faces~ i picked out years ago, immediately. they are horse faces and i can’t not see them and i genuinely am waiting for everything to fall apart any given day so.

Wait...is that...a tiny alien life form in there? Well, now I’ve found the perfect Halloween decorations.

Jennifer Jenner.

Dammit, don’t you hate it when you turn down Molestation Avenue when you really meant to hang a left on Not Being a Fucking Monster Lane? Goddamn MapQuest, I tell you what...

She could totally have an everyday vagina and a special occasion vagina. That’s what I’d do.

I think the number of people holding their nose and voting for Hillary will far outnumber those supporting her ecstatically.

You will wrest my milk from my dead Scandinavian body. Also, it’s like one of three drinks I can even drink anymore cause of allergies. I think I will go have a glass of milk right now. Milk.