...goddammit, I know that’s just a calculated political move but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t warm the rusty, empty and necrotic cockles of my useless, cold heart.

I feel like as a liberal, I’m supposed to like Bill Maher, and I just don’t. He has some opinions that I agree with, and he says some funny things sometimes, but he’s so self-righteous and seems utterly unwilling to listen to anybody besides himself - even other liberals. No thanks.

Imma bring this out again.

He deserves to be punched in the face with a Kia.

your cat sounds fucking incredible tbh

My cat, who once opened a microwave oven while the popcorn was popping, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once destroyed a floor-to-ceiling lamp with her butt, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once fell off a bookshelf at 3 AM only to land butt-first on my face (catass…

Gun owners are 32 times more likely to kill someone without cause than to act in self-defense.

I have a mom like that. There’s no reasoning with the unreasonable and utterly delusional, because the person could turn on you forever for one ill-timed, well-intentioned intervention. Choices have to be made. I feel for Cliff and admire his resourcefulness. It feels shitty to be underhanded, but that’s a far better…

I am made unreasonably happy about the shake story. Though I don’t personally work there, there’s a small, local ice cream shop down the road I get coffee at (weird, I know, but it’s cheap and pretty good) and there are just so many entitled kids there whose parents don’t do anything about. TThe worst one of these…

When I was in high school, some local, road-side hotel decided to convert their restaurant to a Chinese buffet. They called the high school to see if there were any “Chinese girls who would like a job.” Damn it. I was the only Chinese girl in the school, and actually, yeah, I wanted another job because college was…

Not 100% sure if I know how to pronounce that word correctly. Fortunately, it’s generally not a problem, since I usually just refer to it as “that awful shit that crazy people seem to love for some reason.”

HAHAHA! I’ve eaten in a Chipoodlelay in Ohio while visiting family. I also was fed avocadoes in second grade (in the 1970s) by my second grade teacher. And I kept olives in my locker in high school.

OH MY GOD IT’S SO FUCKING DUSTY IN HERE

My husband had to restrain me at a Disney World counter-service restaurant, where we waited in line to order for FIFTEEN MINUTES, and the people in front of me STILL had to lingeringly peruse the menu board which had been plainly visible to them for FIFTEEN MINUTES (did I mention we’d all been standing in front of it…

Once, an 8-top of Christians left one of those “Here’s a Tip for You!” pamphlets on my table, in lieu of a cash tip. I was sort of used to this, so I didn’t remark much, just tossed it into the bus tub with the rest of the debris, and a glower.

Thank you BCO! As a single mom of a rambunctious 2 year old I know that 1) she’s just going to be an asshole in restaurants. period. and 2) the only way she’ll learn not to be an asshole in restaurants is if I take her to eat out and teach her the rules. I order her food first, bring my own sippy cup with milk so she…

I’m a little late but here goes. I worked in a Gay Dennys in Arizona and soon after gay marriage became legal, I had the most adorable elderly couple of men, one white, one black. They were seated at the counter and had on these beautiful leis. I asked if I could feel the real flowers and asked what the occasion was.…

One time I ordered a 4-piece McNuggets and was given a 4-piece McNugget box filled to the brim with tartar sauce.

I used to play a game at my local Burger King called, “How will they mess up my order today?” I would order a #1 combo (Whopper, fries, soda), with only ketchup on the whopper.

They never got it right. Not once.

Highlights were the time I got two fries with no drink, two drinks with no fries, a chicken sandwich (do they…

I can't believe one of the customers didn't read her the riot act. I LIVE FOR THE DAY when I get to tell a jackass like that to fuck off.