It’ll be a real shocker if he manages to get his pinky right in the next 10 days.

Bae: wanna come over?

Love this, Torch. I for one can’t wait for some elevator reviews.

So unbelievably sick of people complaining about portrait video.

This is the most Seahawks’ fan comment ever. Make it clear your fanbase is superior to others while also making sure to mention how long-standing your fandom is to differentiate yourself from the rest of your newly minted fans. I’ve read numerous accounts of terrible Seahawk fan behavior. Fuck off.

“That Brown fella is pretty good!” - my cousin who only watches football on Thanksgiving

I haven’t seen an NHL player’s parents this excited about him making it big since Jack Johnson made his debut.

Nah.

This is how I road raged on someone blocking the passing lane for over ten minutes going under the speed limit.

Driving home with my sister on a break from school in her 1960 Impala when this dude in a beat up old Chevy COE starts riding our tail and honking. He finally passes us and I notice his license plate reads “BEATNGU”. Weird.

I mean this isn’t really creepy, you were just abducted.

“to do some stuff I didn’t want to do while in motion”

The number one creepiest encounter I’ve ever had while driving would be three years ago in the middle of nowhere Nebraska. It’s around 1 AM and I’m heading down a desolate county road towards I80, on my way home to eastern Iowa from a jobsite. Suddenly I come to a T intersection and right in the middle is a…

You were abducted, bro.

You have a giant snake living under your back seat dude.

A while ago, my friend and I were driving out in a more rural part of the country. Windows down, breeze blowing, some of the finest MmmBopping that Hanson ever mmbopped blasting through the stereo. Until we realized there was this massive old truck that was following us; and by upping our speed, it was clear it was…

Girlfriend stuck her vibrating bullet down the back of my pants on a road trip and, via wired remote, induced varying degrees of stimulation for about 50 miles.

It’s clear that he’s better than the pile of crap the Texans fielded at QB last year

Great to dip the fries in the frosty

I just had a bacon, cheddar, jalapeno recently... it was delightful