So [Watercraft] [Watercraft] was too on-the-nose for you, but [Protein] [Protein] wasn’t? Fuck you.

Okay, so are you ready for the punchline?

Aaron Hernandez, an innocent man, died in prison. Yet, Tom Brady (clearly guilty of evidence tampering) walks free. That’s America for you.

Does the suicide trick work for library fines, too?

Every day I thank God I wasn’t born American.

The US has a long, sordid history of “rugged individualism” that is mostly bullshit. Politicians appeal to that idea and get people to go against their own best interests so the politicians can funnel money to their buddies instead of building a society.

Was his name, by chance, Joseph Ducreux?

A spokesman for the office told NJ.com he wouldn’t “confirm nor deny the existence of investigations.”

“I’m a football player.”

When are these players going to learn that it’s far safer to ingest a cocktail of opiates and chemicals instead of a Schedule I drug AKA marijuana (are you trying to tell me the U.S. government got this wrong you fuckin hippies?!)?

Just tell the players to openly smoke weed. Will they suspend entire teams? I mean, I don’t care if this is a good idea, I just want to see Mt. Take explode when 3/4ths of the Seahawks post on Instagram buying weed at a dispensary.

Yeah, it seems weird to say that Popovich is only the Spurs’ coach; my understanding is, for years he’s been the de facto head of the entire basketball organization, and it has worked out pretty swell.

If I know Balmer, the Clippers will be more stable after a small update and a reboot.

The NBA would award an expansion franchise to Seattle. In order to keep the conferences balanced, Philadelphia would also be given an NBA franchise.

Um yeah, they were pretty liberal about spending money on exclusive TV rights to events.

Raiders Draft Room:

“We had to change our signals.”

Nice to see Greg Norman keeping busy.

Looks like this guy has been snacking on one too many drones.

1) Patiently work a pass to first base