Would you like some advice? Probably not, but here goes. You should only use your email client’s default font.

Let’s imagine that you have been captured by members of the Symbionese Liberation Army, and your freedom hinges on your ability to correctly identify the dish pictured above, which I cooked for a group of my friends several years ago. Your captors, pacing the grimy linoleum floor where they hold you, bark instructions…

Someone sent Jezebel a package of cookies to “promote safe sex.” Yum! Nothing about that seemed amiss at first.

As the action wound down above the Equator, the worldwide Women’s Marchers count hit approximately 2.5 million, a figure that, presumably, includes the 30 or so human marchers—and untold penguin marchers—who exercised their rights to free speech and assembly from Antarctica. Look at ‘em. It’s great.

WASHINGTON, DC—It’s a great day for resisting the reign of the newly inaugurated autocratic, sexist, racist, ableist, xenophobe-in-chief and the powers that got him elected in the first place. Women and men are protesting all over the world, and we’ll bring you the news as we learn it, right here. Don’t touch that…

WASHINGTON, DC—The transit officer was not feeling well, but was being a decent sport about the whole thing. “Something just isn’t agreeing with me that we ate,” he said to his partner on the shift. “Maybe the potato chips.” He’s been cutting out gluten, you see, since six months ago he ballooned up like he was…

Remember how, in 2011 or thereabout, everyone was all mad at Comic Sans for the crime of being ugly and dopey? Those days are gone. Gibraltar crumbled, Rome fell, and Comic Sans has descended from its cheaply upholstered sans serif throne in the community reading room at the San Rafael Public Library.

Several years ago, an editor returned a short piece of writing to me accompanied by a lengthy outline of its failures: the argument was all wrong, the examples poorly chosen, and the logic sloppy. The only thing I’d done right was turn it in. I had next to no idea if any of it had succeeded, so I asked the editor, and…

So, he popped the question! You lucky girl, you. Before you dive into wedding planning, take some advice from the experts. We asked the people who know the industry best what to avoid if you’re walking down the aisle this year.

You know the homegirl in your friend group who, back in August, broke up with her boyfriend because his friends just like, totally ignored her at Governor’s Ball and what the hell was that about? In September, her allergy to stone fruits was honestly the worst it has ever been. And then, in October, nobody got her…

It is customary for media organizations to prepare a piece of writing for both candidates on the night of an election, and Jezebel did. You can read our statement on President-elect Donald Trump here, but you will never read what we prepared in the case of a victory for Hillary Rodham Clinton because, nearly a century…

No email among those Wikileaks released this week detailing the comings and goings of the Clinton campaign’s higher-ups should embarrass the campaign more than “Subject: Debate Prep-Stump Speech call” from August 2015, in which Robby Mook, Clinton’s campaign manager, attached a list of proposed campaign slogans.

The nation is divided. Which Dad should we elect to govern us if the president dies? The hot one? Maybe!

Very Specific Playlists is a recurring feature in which Jezebel staffers make very specific Spotify playlists based on their weird proclivities.