You’ve done the world a great service.

I like candy.

Is this the part where I remind everyone that Jeffrey Dean Morgan is friends with Paul Rudd, and they co-own a candy store? Apparently so.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Hilarie Burton are at the top of my weird but adorable celeb couples. Their kids are cute as hell and they seem adorably into each other.

Definitely not. But it’s not a death sentence the way that gigantism is.

Dear Bernd, my brother’s wife passed away several months before your husband. It is uncanny how he has said almost exactly the same words at the three month mark. Now that we are approaching that one year milestone, he is actually able to laugh again and it makes me happy to hear that. Although there are still moments…

He made me and millions of people around the world laugh. RIP.

Rest in Peace, Verne. We will miss you.

He’s pissing in the corner of God’s house now.

Because that’s what we should take from this 🙄

Now I am just imagining the arresting officers Feng Shuiing the hell out of the case.

vanishingly rare instance where some asshole shoot them?

Fun fact: since Columbine, the number of times armed militias used guns to prevent government oppression is zero. The number of school shootings since Columbine is 212. #FREEDOM

I hate drinking cold drinks without a straw so I bought some stainless ones and I carry them in my bag. I just take them home and run them through the dishwasher.

His father wasn’t exactly beyond reproach either. He apparently didn’t bother to tell the non-custodial mother about her son until Aubrey had been gone a month. His mother might not have been the best, but she doesn’t deserve that.

Sorry guys, nothing beats my old roommate watching Marley & Me on REPEAT ALL DAY AND CRYING while slowly picking at a Tombstone pizza inbetween cry breaks.

I just see ads for condoms.

The title makes me think of gravel, roadkill and potholes and I’d never want to be compared to a back road. Ew

“I’ve always felt that I’d be a happier person and have an easier go of it in life if I’d been born just a little bit dumber...”