Your scent smells like AZZ on me, but I have fond memories of the scent on my friends. I am a life long wearer of Bvlgari Black...Which smells like tires on most people, but pro-choice angels hi-fiving each other on me.

at least he will always cherish the woman suit he makes out of her.

Unf. Lord Baelish. Don't even care if he's got nothing under those monastic robes. He could growl at my pussy and I'd be done. DONE.

You and me both. You want an even worse confession? Ramsay Snow. All I'm going to say.

Hate to blow up your desert island fantasy, but think about how good ground beef would be and then realize it could also be ground lamb...

It's ok though because that's Ben Cohen and he is (on top of being a 6'2", rocks-where-thighs-should-be-having slab of goddamn bliss) One Of The Good Ones and is the founder of The Ben Cohen StandUp Foundation (which combats bullying and homophobia). So like...you can objectify him for his mind.

I'm so sorry about your mom. It certainly says something when a kid that is going through something that traumatic is more well-behaved than a kid that's just going about their regular day. I would hate to see that family on an off day...

I said goddamn!

No. Just... no.

I figured out how to get my kids to behave in a restaurant.

I like how you go from "Ugh, one more thing for parents to be one-upping eachother about" and immediately follow with "my kids are awesome, we get compliments, I raised my kids right!" That's some high-level stealth Mommy Wars (TM) shit, right there.

One time this really tiny old lady came in with her family. She had on a gorgeous purple pantsuit and it worked on her, she looked so chic. I complimented her on it and her family took a look at her, it was painfully obvious that none of them had noticed it before.

God, what a dick move.

I've worked in restaurants on Mother's Day. The most depressing part is the line-ups. Kids are restless, adults are fuming and the poor mom leaning on her cane while everyone ignores her. She's wishing she is back home watching TV with her cat. Instead, she gets a meal she doesn't really want while everyone talks…

What did she do, punch your kitten?

Dude! Truth! I get cramps that ache down my legs and back, in addition to the contractions in the uterus. Add to that, epic diarrhea and the flood of blood, and I feel like a walking septic tank. Ugh. Luckily it only happens on day two.

For reals. And after being on birth control for 10 years it doesn't even look like blood anymore. It looks like poop.