Your owner looks like Ron Jeremy:

*Scans list*

Juice.

Anybody who names their album Lust For Life and isn’t Iggy Pop needs to have a word with me.

Robe One?

Police have already identified a suspect, but say it is unlikely that she acted alone.

Omg, his voice is everything. But sadly I’m an ageist.. Just can’t get with a 14 -year-old singing about love and their soul being resurrected. I’ll try listening to him again in another 4 to 6 years.

Not only did I have a binder full of CD’s, I had one of these set-ups

Dude is a low life, so no surprise he’s in the sock game. The sock game is one of the most brutal industries, right up there with the drug game. A single misstep could have you wearing a toe tag.

That is a good dog.

I remember having my first orgasm at 13. My boyfriend was fingering me and I was so CLUELESS that I didn’t even know what an orgasm was. I was getting pretty turned on and then all of a sudden everything felt goddamn AMAZING for a few seconds and then it tickled and I made him stop. Took me 3 more years to figure out…

As a mom of two little ones, my husband better have some nice lady locked down within a year. He can’t do this shit alone.

The joke’s on CBS, Emma Stone won’t be any cheaper.

That inflatable slide looks dope.

Look, I’m not normally one to support women fighting over a dude (especially not when it’s Colin Jost) but oh my god do I want to see Leslie Jones and Scarlett Johanssen fight each other.

This relationship looks exhausting.