It’s pretty standard for teachers to read to their young students, but a third grade teacher was just forced to resign from his much-loved post for doing so.

Craving a midnight snack? Wish your hunger pangs were for something healthy, like a giant bowl of kale and not your roommate’s economy-sized bag of mini Kit Kats you’ll pilfer once she goes to bed? You’ve come to the right place.

Another day, another hard-earned victory for the remaining members of the Beastie Boys, who today won a lawsuit against Monster Energy for using the band’s songs in a commercial without their permission. Monster is now responsible for paying $668,000 of the Beasties’ legal bills, reports AP Online.

FINALLY. A female lead in a major film will be making more money than her male counterpart. Like, a lot more. Our hats are off to you, J.Law.

“Quasi straight” actress/author/talk show host/dancer/choreographer Rosie Perez had a lesbian relationship in middle school with a girl named ‘Michelle,’ whom, apparently, Rosie wanted to “hump all the time.”

What else can you count on politicians for if not to fail to reach an agreement? In this case, New York City legislators have let a law expire that stabilizes rent for some two million people living in New York City. Reports AP Online:

“The Hottest Blaze in Burlesque,” Fannie Belle Fleming, d/b/a burlesque performer Blaze Starr, has passed away, reports AP Online. She was 83.

The next time you rent yourself a foam machine for your next casual backyard barbecue and think, “This is going to be the best backyard foam party EVER”—well, think again, because your sensitive boyfriend Drake just took home the title of epic foam party host.

When’s the last time you tried to do something big? Like, say, become the first woman to row across the Pacific Ocean?

Here’s a beach goer’s nightmare, multiplied: two separate shark attacks happened within about an hour of each other around the same swath of beach, causing a pair of teens to each lose a limb and remain in critical condition. Shudder.

I didn’t even realize that there was more than one season of Masters of Sex until now, but thanks to a pathetic Sunday night Google search for a related keyword, I do!

The only thing better than Magic Mike Channing Tatum shaking his junk in front of a fictional, film-cast crowd is Channing Tatum shaking his junk atop a float in front of a real, live crowd while tossing promotional trinkets for Magic Mike XXL.

Well this is hopeful, if annoying: flibanserin, a drug developed by Sprout Pharmaceuticals to treat women’s low libido, is aiming again this week for FDA approval. And, as we reported in the past, tsk-tsk-ers at the agency are worried about “risks outweighing the rewards.”

Great news, for anyone whose period has ruined a perfectly good pair of panties or fifteen: a company called Thinx has answered Mother Nature’s call with a line of undergarments designed to block every menstrual drop and stain from ruining your clothes, your sheets, and your sanity.

If you’re one of those chicks who’s ever faked an orgasm (cough), be advised: you’re breaking Nicki Minaj’s pink spandex-clad heart.

After losing her gender bias suit against tech venture capital firm Kleiner Perkins in March, Ellen Pao has filed appeal against the jury verdict, which said she wasn’t discriminated against by KP’s senior management team, but rather, that she was simply bad at her job.

Stars: Just like us, in that they can often be found wearing clothes; and yet nothing like us, in that they’re apparently paid up to a cool quarter million to parade around in theirs.

If you thought Beyoncé was the only game in town who could pull off a massive, undercover project with many hands involved and keep it secret till the end, allow yourself to be reintroduced to Vanity Fair, which managed to keep Caitlyn Jenner’s cover story from prying eyes for months until early this afternoon.

Dame Jessica Lange, pictured above, hadn’t yet seen Caitlyn Jenner’s Vanity Fair cover or, apparently, the Internet (like, ever) when asked in an interview what she thought of her resemblance to the recently-transitioned star. Either way, she thinks the comparison is “wonderful.”

Tinder, the illustrious scapegoat of Internet dating, is now allegedly to blame for the uptick in STD cases in the states of Rhode Island and Utah, where apparently unprotected sex has been en vogue, say state officials.