A penguin is driving down the road when his car starts making a weird noise, so he pulls into a mechanic shop. The mechanic, a walrus, says ‘give me 20 minutes, and I’ll be able to see what’s wrong and give you an estimate.’ So the penguin walks down the street to an ice cream shop, sits down and enjoys a vanilla…

Broken down on the side of the road, a guy has his hood up, looking at the engine when he hears a voice behind him say: “It’s your carrrburrretor.”

A female parking enforcement officer patrols the area and sees from a distance a fancy sports car pulling into the disabled parking spot, the driver running into the store. She walks to the car starting to write the ticket when the guy comes back out again. She mentions with a smirk “You do not look disabled, Sir, or…

What do you do if a bird shits on your windscreen?

Grampa: Is that a new car?

How many mechanics need to assist that German engineer and why do you need an engineer for a break lap replacement in the first place?

Didn’t we do this in 2013?

Do you know what grinds my gears?

Read the caption

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?

[insert rival automotive site name here]

This joke is best told on September 19th:

I don’t know about jokes, but this little graphic I came up with accurately describes how rental-car agencies try to operate during the holidays.

How many German engineers does it take to replace a brake lamp?

I’m thinking of buying an Audi Allroad.

So a Jalopnik writer was driving his bug in the winter...

Ya hear about the blonde who tried to commit suicide running her Tesla in the garage for 8 hours?

Dodge Caliber.

A Mustang drives into a bar...

Cab driver picks up a nun... a few minutes into the ride he says “ ya know sister, I always kinda had a thing for the nun outfit and you’re quite beautiful. No offense.”