Silver: Folks, I know a lot of you have been making cries for innovation in the NBA schedule. And trust me, I've heard these cries. In fact, I hear everything. My massive ears mean that not a bit of sound anywhere on Earth escapes my attention. I am confronted with an absolute deluge of information that overwhelms me…

Somewhere in heaven, JoePa and Saint John Paul are sharing a laugh and smiling down on—well, not earth, but close enough off to the side that it just looks like they're paying attention.

I feel really positive for all the Penn State alumni who will interpret this move as a validation of what they've claimed all along: That their hero was not the driver of a nefarious coverup, but was simply too much of a stupid pants-shitting old dullard to put the pieces together, realize what was going on, and take…

"Your welcome..."

I can't even imagine having to live with that thing for the rest of my life.

You need to get it a little closer …

You need to get it a little closer …

I just hate high school students.

No shit

This is really tasteless, Barry. That man just had his home broken into.

I talked to some Broncos players who said Manning was throwing more picks in practice in the past six weeks than at any other time.

Botched periods often end up with the quick hook.

Kid: "Led Zeppelin"? The hell am I supposed to do with this junk?

the complete first season of the original Batman television show on DVD, and a fuuuuuckingLed Zeppelin CD.

Policeman: What's the description of the suspect?

Its like getting robbed by a unicorn. A unicorn that sucks at basketball.

Greg why are you a tool of the Obama administration, running a funny factual story about a crazy misprint in a tiny small town paper in Kentucky hmmm????

Given what we've seen coming out of St. Louis in the last 5 months, I wouldn't be surprised if Kroenke pulls the trigger regardless of whether or not the city surrenders to his demands.

As a Republican, Curt should be less concerned with where his votes are coming from and more concerned with suppressing them.

Leave it to a creationist to start making shit up.

Oy, that. We avoid that, we use three seashells in our house.