ONE case? Dude, we’re gonna be twiddling our thumbs for two months!

“Nobody! puts pizza in a closet!”

I WAS the worst house guest ever. Went to visit a friend for a three-day weekend JUST as the flu hit me. I was on his couch eight days and infected him AND his girlfriend.

“I am so unbelievably angry over the malevolent narcissistic, willfully blind incompetence in the “leadership” of this country.”

“Both Trump and Pence could get the virus, die, and then Nancy Pelosi would be president!”

“To which we can reply “thoughts and prayers””

“marianne may need a cold restart or clean reinstall or something.”

“Sideways with a rusty rake.”

UPS has always been no-contact, except for the rare instances when someone requires a signature on delivery (and nowadays UPS tries to discourage that in favor of parcel-tracking apps). Also, outside of the Christmas season, most UPS drivers are full time with benefits (although they have delivery quotas to meet).

Social distancing — I wish I had a cool phrase to explain my lifestyle back in middle-school.

Someone should eat Joel Osteen’s face. I realize that won’t be a pleasant experience, but Cannable-Americans need to man up and fulfill their duty!

Spoilable food? I’m in Florida. Seems like every hurricane season I have to gently explain to a newbie that frozen/refrigerator items are gonna spoil when the power goes “bloop.” Only buy them if you have gas/charcoal grill, or a gas stove. Regarding COVID-19, so far as I know it doesn’t infect power lines of…

Remove the pulp. If you like roasted pumpkin seeds, save the seeds and prepare them the same way. Rub on a little sweet or neutral-tasting oil. It has to be something that can take 500 degree heat. Now put your oven on 350. Bake it until it softens. The exact time depends on the size of the wedge. Usually it takes me…

Bless you. Not “bleed you.” I used to be able to type.

He WAS. Something changed.

Damnit, I worked with this guy in the Florida Democratic HQ, in 2004. He was the best! What happened?

Only if you for the Premium package! Otherwise, it’s just a drunk from New Jersey.

GovJeremy/ I thing you’re saying we need WATCHMEN.

Ooo, you’re vicious. Can I be on your team?

If anybody asks me whether I’ve stocked up, I’ll tell them I have two bottles of Maker’s Mark.