Oyez! Oyez! Oyez! All persons having interest in Top Chef Season 7 DC, are admonished to draw near and give their attention, for the season is now screening. God save Tracey and her clairvoyant sadness.

A rainbow parabolas over the fertile Napa valley. A dream is asphyxiated amongst the vines. Top Chef is nearing its end. I'm Joshua David Stein. I'll take you there. Ain't nobody cryin'. Except the loser.

Every time I watch Top Chef, it sets my eyes on fire. And everything it's got is all I requires. I can feel it getting down to the wire. Top Chef and JDS, little sleep, lots of coffee.

Awaken and behold the tale of six chefs, two hearts beating as one, a sad strip, a sassafras dream and a love supreme. I'm Joshua David Stein and this is your Top Chef recap.

Good afternoon, my lovelies!!! It's Joshie. Last night—OMG it was adorbs!—I curled up and watched Top Chef on the television. What did you do, my dolls?

Quo vadis, y'all? It's Joshua David Stein. I'm still emotionally shaken from the mental shipwreck of last night's Top Chef, a competitive alternate reality located somewhere in Las Vegas. Let's cry together.

Hello, It's Joshua David Stein here, halfway through a beautiful bottle of pinot [noir!] It's only 10:15am but it's time to drunkenly discuss Bravo's Top Chef somewhere, emmeyeright?

Hello in there. This is your maybe dad, Joshua David Stein. There are some things I want you to know as you watch reruns of your mother on Top Chef, pre-you.

Hey y'all. This is Joshua David Stein. I'm writing this from beautiful Savannah Georgia where it's hard to find Bravo and thusly Top Chef: Las Vegas. Luckily we found it in a hotel lobby bar.

Howdy. This is Joshua David Stein. I wore chaps last night to the premiere of Top Chef Las Vegas: Episode 5 in my living room. Were you there? OMG it was so crowded.

Bonjour, je m'appel Joshua David Stein. Je vais discuter le program Top Chef: Las Vegas qui passe au le network demigay, Bravo hier soir. Merci a Brian de m'avoir remplaçé gentilement le semaine derniere.

Hello. My name is Joshua David Stein. I tuned in last night to the second episode of Top Chef Las Vegas, a show on Bravo and now, I see, a Gawker advertiser. Uh oh.

Saludos! My name is Joshua David Stein. Last night Top Chef Las Vegas premiered. I'm still struggling to make sense of it. Let's struggle together.

Hello. My name is Joshua David Stein. I think we should probably talk about what happened last night on Bravo's Top Chef: Masters. It was at once heartwarming and a little creepy.