Welcome to Jezebel’s Midweek Madness where local menace Joan Summers, shortly after purchasing tickets to Detective Pikachu (premiering May 8th), sat down to write a scathing column on my sworn enemies, Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively’s pantsuits. Preserve might be dead but its memory lives in the hearts and minds of…

Welcome to Jezebel’s Midweek Madness, where local menace Joan Summers is preparing the bunker to weather out the Bey-pocalypse slowly entering pop culture’s orbit. With a looming Netflix special, an Adidas partnership, and rumors of new music this summer, the Hive is out and ready to play! And considering I no longer…

Welcome to Jezebel’s Midweek Madness, where local menace Joan Summers has ventured overseas to enlist the help of elite British ghost whisperers in the quest to find out what Princess Diana’s been up to the last 20 years! Sources claim she’s haunting the castle, others speculate she’s possessed the unborn baby of …

Welcome to Jezebel’s Midweek Madness, where local menace Joan Summers is enjoying her brief vacation from press cycles centering the romantic entanglements of hydration activist Jennifer Aniston. In the rare downtime, she’s pivoted to conspiracy theories surrounding Jennifer Lopez’s engagement photos and the rise of…

Welcome to Jezebel’s Midweek Madness, where local menace Joan Summers is currently brainstorming a future hit podcast on Melania Trump’s alleged body-doubles. I can already picture the Casper Mattress endorsements and Paley Center panels!

Welcome to Jezebel’s Midweek Madness, where local menace Joan Summers has rekindled her one-sided feud with the haunted victorian doll known as Megyn Kelly. In the ever prescient words of Lana Del Rey, “U know the addy. Pull up anytime. Say it to my face. But if I were you- I wouldn’t.”

Unabashed in its approach to documenting the sprawling lives of its subjects, The Real Housewives of New York is often credited as the foundational series in Bravo’s empire. Its 10 seasons have been endlessly meme-able with a catalog of drama that’s often crossed into mainstream news coverage. Enter Season 11. Having…

Welcome to Jezebel’s Midweek Madness! Local menace Joan Summers is tucked away at an upstate medspa recovering from the latest awards season. I ask that, in the interest of my health and wellness, we never discuss Bohemian Rhapsody or Green Book again.

Welcome to Jezebel’s Midweek Madness, where local menace Joan Summers has crashed Vanity Fair’s Oscars After-After-After-After Party to stage a one woman protest against Fit Tea Federation leader Kris Jenner. If I don’t return from the front lines alive, let them know that I did it against the better judgement of my…

Welcome to Jezebel’s Midweek Madness, where international fugitive Joan Summers is reporting live from an undisclosed location in the wake of last week’s installment. Fearing that the Alliance of Romantically Unsatisfied Heterosexuals would make the first move, my editors thought it best to temporarily relocate me…

Welcome to Jezebel’s Midweek Madness! Recovering Grammys viewer Joan Summers is reporting from Kardashian Rehab somewhere in upstate New York. Despite insisting I do not have a problem, my editors stuck me in beauty guru jail to work out my demons.

In eight seasons, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has successfully strung together four decades of cultural history into a Lovecraftian Birkin bag. Continuing the metaphor, here’s what’s in the purse so far: Erin Brockovich, O.J. Simson, the Hilton family, Kelsey Grammer, Baywatch, Charlie Sheen, Days of Our Lives,…

Welcome to Jezebel’s Midweek Madness, where local menace Joan Summers confronts the entropic decay seeping out of this week’s tabloids! Our simulation has glitched and nothing matters anymore! I can see the lines of code running down the walls!

Welcome to Jezebel’s Midweek Madness, where local menace Joan Summers has reemerged from hiding in the wake my one-sided feud with Kris Jenner and her Horcruxes daughters. Will I be forced back into hiding after this week’s explosive allegations?

Welcome to Jezebel’s Midweek Madness, where local menace Joan Summers is currently on the run from Kris Jenner and her army of former Refinery29 interns. For legal purposes, it was definitely not a joke and I promise I didn’t but definitely did mean it!

Welcome to Jezebel’s Midweek Madness, where intrepid local menace Joan Summers is reporting live from Jennifer Aniston & Brad Pitt’s surprise gender reveal party. Didn’t know she was pregnant? Shocked they’re even together? Well, I’m here to tell you they’re serving dry cake pops and a warm Caesar salad.

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where new girl on the scene Joan Summers will be staring into the void, and listening to it explain the intimate details of Meghan Trainor’s wedding reception to Spy Kid Daryl Sabara. She wore sneakers and leggings because she’s a regular and relatable human person! The Spy Kid-turned-Man…