As a Bears fan living in NJ, missing a Bears game is no big deal because I can just watch them all play again 4 years later as Jets.

The Jets’ new unis look like how I imagine Axe body spray smells.

Lol, I wrote this and I’m dumb, never write emails high kids, or else you will be ripped to shreds by internet commentators. 

Just giving this a star isn’t enough. Great work.

During plebe summer at the Naval Academy (1997) one of my squadmates revealed that she had never seen Top Gun. She was roundly mocked, nicknamed Goose, and since plebes aren’t allowed to watch movies or listen to music, our platoon had to re-enact as much of the movie as we could remember, including the music. The…

Nearly everyone restaurant in Chicago that isn’t a national chain cuts its thin crust pizza into squares.  This is the proper way to cut pizza.

I was tempted to give it the benefit of the doubt because I once got a blowjob in the parking lot of the Rooster T Feathers comedy club, but then I realized Rooster T Feathers is in Sunnyvale, not Santa Clara.

“The problem with the new Lion King is that the animals just aren’t expressive enough”

I also don’t see “cowboy monkey rodeo” which is a very real thing at minor league games.  If they were throwing firecrackers, it would be everything 8-year old me could want.

I’ve had this and its good.

I respect your decision to completely blow past the story and head straight to the comments.

Also, Aspen Ladd (from the linked weight cutting video) got TKO'd in 16 seconds. So maybe weight cutting is bad or something.  

Becasue size matters when it comes to fighting. Here’s the thing, and this is always the issue, yeah, Ladd could probably make 145 in a more healthy fashion, but then she would fighting women who are cutting down to 145 and who would thus be bigger than her in the octagon.

It’s especially problematic for women, who simply physiologically can’t lose significant weight in a short period of time like men can (one of the many things unfair about being a woman!). So female UFC fighters rely even more on cutting water weight by extreme dehydration... which also happens to shrink the…

until the colonel removes the cheeto chicken sandwich, a restaurant will be destroyed every night. this i swear to you

And now that I took the low-hanging fruit, here’s a legit thing:

This is underrated sarcasm.

Rob Manfred doesn’t want to hear the likes of Mike Trout say it, but this is why you play the game. Sure, catching pop flies is fun, and taking a big secondary lead can be a little bit of a thrill. But the ever present danger of taking a tightly wound ball to the face after a bad hop is what makes baseball the most…

LOVED reading Ball Four as a kid. The image of New York Yankees sticking mirrors under hotel doors to maybe catch a glimpse of a naked woman has stuck with me.

Really, you just need to look at his background to see where this stuff comes from: