One of two changes alerted me to my first pregnancy: my pee smelled fruity, and I started getting acne. I always thought it was baloney that instead of glowing, I got acne.

Those are some delightful apologies. I approve.

I have a "friend" that finds roadkill (specifically a racoon) and makes jewelry out of the bones. Eating it is much less creepy.

You get me, you really get me!

It's, like, an evil superpower.

Tell him he can breathe when he's not around you! Get your shit together, Mr. Notanutjob!

I just make sure he knows that when I find my trophy husband, he's out.

If the sound level was in the normal range, then it would totally be okay. But it's not. It's like there is a megaphone in his mouth to amplify every little bite.

Just reading that description makes my eye twitch.

This could have been written by me. It is like a drill in your head that you just can't shut off, no matter how hard you try!

Ban him from eating off anything other than children's plastic silverware!

I totally get that is probably one of those weird American hang-ups, but that does not make it any less infuriating.

I know I should think that's crazy, but I'm really just impressed.

Those darn Brits!

I am woefully behind on my British phrases!

Is your friend Honey Boo Boo?

"...worked a treat."

Sounds like that mother needs to be reported for child abuse.

I wouldn't even blame you.

At least wait until we get an insurance policy!