I want things I cannot have. I want to buy a brand new diesel Touareg, and go to Chick-fil-A’s drive thru on a Sunday.

For some reason the Maserati seems a bit bland with those wheels. I would absolutely get it with different wheels.

Cadillac Escalade - Chariot of the Pretentious Douchebags

So the S means “Special?” So...Special Class?

You don’t mess with the Juice. You’ve seen his work.

I think we should unintentionally give away fake weapons to cause our enemies to spend millions on reverse engineering old Comcast cable boxes.

So Air France is hauling hellfire missile in the overheads but I gotta give up my cigarette lighter?

Dodged a bullet twice!

wait, they’re taxing parties now??

A Monster amount.

Ain’t no gotdamn Lochness Monster going to get my tree-fiddy.

One is too many.

How many flat bill hats come with it for that price?

I would buy one of there was a manual option. That CVT is a fun sponge. Just because it’s a big, underpowered, AWD wagon doesn’t mean it still can’t be fun to drive. Oh, and bring back that gorgeous green/tan exterior color combo from the early 2000's.

Let’s be rational here, would any US president have started a war with Russia over Crimea? Would any US president start a war with China over some reef in the middle of nowhere? If you watch Madam Secretary you are gonna say yes. In the real world would you be OK with your son or daughter dying in a war over something…

OK... let’s turn back the clock a few hours to when we didn’t know China was sending these units to the islands. What were we going to do about the Chinese militarization of these islands? Nothing, no reason to do anything, according to the US government, other than perform “Freedom of the Seas/Skies” actions.

Be careful of how quickly you push your shopping cart around the grocery store, it might end up with a red-and-blue vinyl wrap and camera mounts.

Can we all agree to suggest this vehicle the next time Doug hosts a “what vehicle should I buy” poll?

This isn’t nearly as bad as the “I named him Brad” “did my happy dance” commercial.

“Feels like a BMW”